Confession

eyy !!

It’s been time since I last sat down, draped in the curtains of pain and guilt, I’m the same even again. Lightening never strikes twice they.. i dunno .. I don’t even happen to be a German to survive the strike at an alarming seven times !!
..probably there has been some kind of genetic malfunction inside me..
well might be, probably for a hundred trillion reasons (why not ?? When there can be a hundred million for an ordinary condom !!).
Taking an overview at the conditions there have been certain awful but certainly most interesting observations. It seems time has repeated itself again, I have returned to my original music play list (u might have got it..), I have the same feelings same old opinions about life, same old baby cry’, same old kiddy problems, same…
Voila !! There’s one thing that’s changed, I have replaced my drawer cum ash tray arrangement with an ash tray !! ( got some cash nowadays..)
Dragging along with the same old problems (everyone quite aware of that), a plenty more have got themselves attached on to the back, pulverizing the already fractured shoulders.(dunno.. seems to be some kind of a festive offer !! Buy 1 Get 5 Free !! hah..)
humph.. There seems to be no real future due to the ongoing global recession, (“– President Barack Obama is laboring to persuade the American people of the need for a virtually unprecedented $827 billion measure to resuscitate an economy he accuses the Bush administration of smothering.”). The President seems to be getting “Indian” playing the blame game. Let’s hope this money helps we suffering “professionals”(hoping to be one in near future.)
Moving Away, the heart no more seems to be forgive, to live a deceiving life. I don’t know the question lies for how many days is this going to work out ?? For how long do I keep saying that life goes on !! ( i guess there’s no exponential that’s forever..).
I mean for how long do I mock around with my family ?? For how long do I live cursing myself in this manner?? For how long does every f***n effort go in vain ?? For how long…
Life goes on.. Yea !! Absolutely right but isn’t it true that there is every thing that stays, I mean it remains haunting some where, consciously or un consciously, it stays, it has tit’s own effects, own consequences.. I mean everything about, everything that happens in everyday life, matters with family, friends or just any one.. be it any one..
Talked about the recession previously I think instead of blaming the conditions the truth lies that there is a real lack of potential basically within myself that arouses all kinds of suspicion in mind ?? Isn’t it ??
Nothing seems to be working out right.. I dunno.. My friend says everything will be alright ?? Let’s hope that he has the word’s of an angel !!
dunno.. they say there’s always some level of “god” in every individual (dunno.. I hope I don’t disregard my faith.)
As mentioned earlier it’s the guilt that has forced me again to return to this state..
This might seem a pretty weird but some replies and some truths might help the ailing mental state..
I dunno..
Just forgive me for everything that has gone wrong just because of me, forgive me for every instant that’s gone down cuz’ of me, forgive me for all the problems caused due to me….
Forgive me for being a coward, for being selfish, for being mean, for being arrogant, for being possessive, for being this philosophical, for over reacting, for over caring, for being proud, for expecting returns for the minute things done, for the lies, for the truths, for being a hypocrite, for everything.. just everything ..
Pardon me ppl !! And hope that my Lord does the same with me ..

Signing off..
mE ‘n mA lonE SouL