..sitting in this dark room, working on the power generated by the battery backup, I wonder how life has once again come to a standstill, my life hasn’t yet evolve from the depression and sorrow.. time and again the depression falls over and once again I’m forced to look back at the condition of the soul..
..browsing through the pages of my diary I came across an entry dated 2nd July 2006.. I couldn’t control my emotions as I felt helpless and pathetic..
..scrolling the pointer over the extreme right of the windows taskbar the small pop-up reads.. July 11 2007..
Again I’m seated in the same room, the same old torn bed with the mosquito net hanging over head, the sight itself speaking of its poverty, the only thing different is the technological notebook replacing the ever faithful papyrus and ink. I stare at my injured fingers as my eyes strain at the dim light of this technological output, wondering whether I deserve this pattern of living life or it’s only my imagination that takes me so far in the world of philosophy.
I wonder..
During the course of this whole year there has been a significant change on the condition of my physical health, I never recovered after marginally surviving a severe sun stroke. I feel extremely weak and pathetic every second I breath, every cell of the body cries foul of pain, weakness and stress.
This is the only change visible as I wonder at the changes during the entire year, seated here 25 km from the main city at a remote village here in the north eastern state of India.
“ zindagi ne zindagi bhar gham diye..”(song from the Bollywood blockbuster ’The Train’) rings into my ears from the background as I continue hitting in to this techno output with the watery eyes longing for joy and happiness. The tear glands seem to be used to the frequent supply of fluid to the eyes, as it burns no more even after long hours of mourning. I fear the extinction of my tears as the nutrition doesn’t seem good enough to completely satisfy the working of the normal biological cycles inside my clay model.
With the physical condition almost barring the very actual existence of the soul, the effluents of hardship and torture show no signs of relief and continue flow in defying all the laws of Bernoulli’s.
I never even imagined that life might be so unforgiving and relentless, being brought up in an environment with all the luxuries and facilities of life.
I realize that being in an environment of sentimental peace, emotional fulfillment and mental harmony is the only true luxury of life.
All the wealth and money seems a waste when my heart starts pumping faster than normal as I recall, review my state of life. The bleeding arteries have no respite in spite of the pockets being enriched in the essence of the local currency.
One might feel that I shall look forward in life leaving behind the dreadful past but unfortunately there is a blank space in front my eyes to stare into.
..time and again the present condition of the soul forces my little imagination to ponder over my state of life.. blunting the bleeding arteries and flooding the eyes with the tears of blood..
I fear to lose my emotions one day.. I fear to be parted with my feelings some day.. I fear that hours of depression have an adverse and permanent effect on the psychology of my miniature thinking factory.
I fear the day when my friend drags me along to put me behind the bars of the mentally challenged cell.
Whatever be the condition..
..eventually I have one last appeal, one last hope, one last favor to be asked, remember me, keep me posted, so that one day I might recover..
Signing off,
mE ‘n mA LonE souL
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Life at IU
17th July 2006
16:35 (local time)
..through the lush green fields, 13 miles from the main city, the red burnt bricks laid on the path leading into the entrance of the 3 storey, flower domed monument… my eyes scrolled through the piece of paper in my hand …. New Boys Hostel, IU….
The Chief warden ringed a warm welcome as I stood in front him for the allotment of my room, I was numbered 405, my IQ calculated, I was the 1215th accused entering the premises, with three thrown into each cell(room)…
The first month went by in light of the autumn leaves, it flew with the dry plant protrudes in a nowhere land. I sat hours in memories of my lost birth land, my colleagues, my family, my ‘friends’..
..sleepless nights and the broken heart cried the distance from life long pals, café’s, billiard points, not to forget my lovely lane, my lovely locality, my favorite lamp post..
..missing the cigarette points, the coaching classes, the snack point, the personal teenage scuffles, the pledges to keep the spirit of friendship alive, the wait for one(who would always be late…), the conclusion of the day, the beginning of a new morning, the hello’s the good bye’s..
Fellows(MEe) advised me to cope with the situation keeping in mind the fact that “some things in life can never be helped, even if causes all the pain and suffering..”
..walking on the path of building up a new life, a new beginning , a new climax, a new web of my complex life, I started a life..
The main reason behind me avoiding the interaction with fellow room mates, “I really hate the cheap, fucking Indian mentality..”. I hated it then, I hate it know.. I didn’t even thought them to be humans, wonder when did I develop this ego..? Or Does this place deserve this treatment..?
Wonder…
..wondering at these aspects I gradually begun at the path of my life..
.. In no time we friends began a life at this place, we(9 of us..), facing the atrocities inflicted upon the so called “seniors”, and coping with the tough engineering course..
My peer group was pretty ambitious, forceful, adventurous, and only within two months pledged to be together for the entire period of the course(4 years). It grew quiet steadily at an alarmingly large pace. Philosophers believe “great beginnings have glimmer endings”….
I never wanted to think upon this matter but again “some things in life can never be helped…..”
It was mid September , the winters had just begun and we were off to a trip to the historic Indian city of ‘Rampur’ famous for its weapons and armory during the ancient times and known as the land of ‘Azam Khan ‘ the modern active political leader of the area.
All this had nothing to do a great deal with our trip, we just had plans for a visit to the home of one of our fellow mates .
It was a tiring journey of more than 6 hours through the plains of northern India, my first journey on the train without my family. The train arrived at the station late by 3 hours as I waited blatantly with my new peer group. It was all normal until we met a group of females planned to traverse the same distance as us.
We belonged to the same college, so introduction had no meaning. After a long wait the tracks rattled beneath at the arrival of the train and we boarded a pretty busy compartment. It was a joyous time as we traversed along singing, chatting and having loads of fun.. It felt like college life had begun..
The journey was quiet successful and enjoyable but had a last long effect on the mind of the fellas. Two of them immediately fell in love with the females we went along.
Night long phone chats, frequent visit to the malls and theaters and lovely college evenings.. They felt as if they have attained their heaven. By god’s sake they never knew that it would a short and bitter ending., but I always predicted their fate… I was mocked
..time had come that the lovers returned to me with a broken heart and lost memories..
This fellow changed entirely after this incident, he broke down to an extent that he completely lost the feelings and trust on any individual. He feared to be deceived once again..
A little chat with me.. I said “ buddy have faith..”
Its that day and this that we have come so close that probably our existence depend upon each other. The latter might not have the same feelings but I do. Only after this was I able to express my true feelings living in India. I got an excuse to live on at this place after all the difficulties and hardships. I got an angels revelation that life is not easy all the times, it has its own ups ad downs..
..It made me wonder how a soul could be living after all these agony without smoke or elixir..
All this and many more let me continue, here at the IU.
The days passed along happily with every new morning having a different flavor to enlighten the growing roots of the relationship. The life at the campus improved at the right pace with we having gatherings at the in situ food point or the quiet popular NescafeÓ parlor.
New relationships were being developed and fresh colleagues entered our peer group, providing further enthusiasm and joy. Their arrival pretty much helped the sex ratio in our group which was much one sided until then.
Days went by with certain of them going down our own personal history records, like the 13 September birthday bash or the memories of the ragging time that had been stopped.
..we now awaited the much anticipated ‘fresher’s party’ at our hostel..
18th February
12:00 am
I slipped the sharp knife past the chocolate creamed 5 storey cake as I celebrated my 18th birthday on the stage of the fresher’s carnival. It was quiet a pleasure amidst a decent crowd to celebrate on the centre stage. This was probably one of the best times in my short stand at the IU hostel.
One of them came on the eve of 14th February while celebrating the birthday of a fellow friend. I succeeded in providing him the best of surprise through his gift.. I rejoiced as he rendered the beautiful moment.
For the first time my heart told me that I had done a favor to someone.
The moments were filled with gay as we danced the whole night..
The days passed along happily and probably swiftly. Witnessing the successful conclusion of Campus Fiesta - 07 we replenished the moments we spent together and hoped that one day the pages of history would be turned for the moments to be lived again.
All this but I never felt secure at this place. Small bitter quarrels with the fellows came to be the shadow of my life at the hostel, except for the fellow who inspired me to live on until things be your way..
I really never relished the fun to the depth of my heart.. I always missed my birth land..
..for the all the happiness lived only a short moment for me..
I lived every moment with a hope to reunite with my birth land..
I remember the moment I sat helpless at room 403 crying at my fate, I felt helpless and pathetic with this portal being my only support, I sat down weeping at my study table penning down the voice of my heart…
I remember the Sundays that seemed to be the paths of hell..
..all the joy happiness never lived longed for me, I felt cheated and left alone even in the group of 11..
..probably eleven would have been unlucky for me, but I never knew…
My life at this place was a continuous struggle between my thoughts and my works as I never attained the peace of mind.
Looking back at the pages of history, I wonder why didn’t I ever enjoy the moments of joy to its full?
.. An old query popped up,
Am I psychopathic?
Leaving behind the matters of my life I thought to live on at this place for the sake of a friend, until..
There came a night that a few drunken seniors entered our room. There was an old rivalry on. They abused my friend badly and bruised him as we watched helplessly…
This really was an end to the thoughts of being together when no one came forward in the rescue of a fellow colleague being bruised in spite of we being in so many numbers.
The pledge of being together no longer held the truth, the trust had been lifted upon, the spirit of oneness no longer lived.. There was no point to live know as feelings of bitterness had developed among selves..
25th April 2007
..the day when I and him decided to leave the hostel..
..we left the hostel and the peer group at their own peril and headed on for a different new life in the city. I really never liked the place but it mattered for my friend as he had different plans for beautiful and fruitful hostel life.
Once again.. “some things in life can never be helped..”
The life took a dramatic change with different routine probably giving better times to both of us..
..and I hope that live on in a better way to revive the ways of life and live on in the hope to reunite the smoked souls and be happy ever again…
Signing off..
mE ‘n mA lonE soUl
16:35 (local time)
..through the lush green fields, 13 miles from the main city, the red burnt bricks laid on the path leading into the entrance of the 3 storey, flower domed monument… my eyes scrolled through the piece of paper in my hand …. New Boys Hostel, IU….
The Chief warden ringed a warm welcome as I stood in front him for the allotment of my room, I was numbered 405, my IQ calculated, I was the 1215th accused entering the premises, with three thrown into each cell(room)…
The first month went by in light of the autumn leaves, it flew with the dry plant protrudes in a nowhere land. I sat hours in memories of my lost birth land, my colleagues, my family, my ‘friends’..
..sleepless nights and the broken heart cried the distance from life long pals, café’s, billiard points, not to forget my lovely lane, my lovely locality, my favorite lamp post..
..missing the cigarette points, the coaching classes, the snack point, the personal teenage scuffles, the pledges to keep the spirit of friendship alive, the wait for one(who would always be late…), the conclusion of the day, the beginning of a new morning, the hello’s the good bye’s..
Fellows(MEe) advised me to cope with the situation keeping in mind the fact that “some things in life can never be helped, even if causes all the pain and suffering..”
..walking on the path of building up a new life, a new beginning , a new climax, a new web of my complex life, I started a life..
The main reason behind me avoiding the interaction with fellow room mates, “I really hate the cheap, fucking Indian mentality..”. I hated it then, I hate it know.. I didn’t even thought them to be humans, wonder when did I develop this ego..? Or Does this place deserve this treatment..?
Wonder…
..wondering at these aspects I gradually begun at the path of my life..
.. In no time we friends began a life at this place, we(9 of us..), facing the atrocities inflicted upon the so called “seniors”, and coping with the tough engineering course..
My peer group was pretty ambitious, forceful, adventurous, and only within two months pledged to be together for the entire period of the course(4 years). It grew quiet steadily at an alarmingly large pace. Philosophers believe “great beginnings have glimmer endings”….
I never wanted to think upon this matter but again “some things in life can never be helped…..”
It was mid September , the winters had just begun and we were off to a trip to the historic Indian city of ‘Rampur’ famous for its weapons and armory during the ancient times and known as the land of ‘Azam Khan ‘ the modern active political leader of the area.
All this had nothing to do a great deal with our trip, we just had plans for a visit to the home of one of our fellow mates .
It was a tiring journey of more than 6 hours through the plains of northern India, my first journey on the train without my family. The train arrived at the station late by 3 hours as I waited blatantly with my new peer group. It was all normal until we met a group of females planned to traverse the same distance as us.
We belonged to the same college, so introduction had no meaning. After a long wait the tracks rattled beneath at the arrival of the train and we boarded a pretty busy compartment. It was a joyous time as we traversed along singing, chatting and having loads of fun.. It felt like college life had begun..
The journey was quiet successful and enjoyable but had a last long effect on the mind of the fellas. Two of them immediately fell in love with the females we went along.
Night long phone chats, frequent visit to the malls and theaters and lovely college evenings.. They felt as if they have attained their heaven. By god’s sake they never knew that it would a short and bitter ending., but I always predicted their fate… I was mocked
..time had come that the lovers returned to me with a broken heart and lost memories..
This fellow changed entirely after this incident, he broke down to an extent that he completely lost the feelings and trust on any individual. He feared to be deceived once again..
A little chat with me.. I said “ buddy have faith..”
Its that day and this that we have come so close that probably our existence depend upon each other. The latter might not have the same feelings but I do. Only after this was I able to express my true feelings living in India. I got an excuse to live on at this place after all the difficulties and hardships. I got an angels revelation that life is not easy all the times, it has its own ups ad downs..
..It made me wonder how a soul could be living after all these agony without smoke or elixir..
All this and many more let me continue, here at the IU.
The days passed along happily with every new morning having a different flavor to enlighten the growing roots of the relationship. The life at the campus improved at the right pace with we having gatherings at the in situ food point or the quiet popular NescafeÓ parlor.
New relationships were being developed and fresh colleagues entered our peer group, providing further enthusiasm and joy. Their arrival pretty much helped the sex ratio in our group which was much one sided until then.
Days went by with certain of them going down our own personal history records, like the 13 September birthday bash or the memories of the ragging time that had been stopped.
..we now awaited the much anticipated ‘fresher’s party’ at our hostel..
18th February
12:00 am
I slipped the sharp knife past the chocolate creamed 5 storey cake as I celebrated my 18th birthday on the stage of the fresher’s carnival. It was quiet a pleasure amidst a decent crowd to celebrate on the centre stage. This was probably one of the best times in my short stand at the IU hostel.
One of them came on the eve of 14th February while celebrating the birthday of a fellow friend. I succeeded in providing him the best of surprise through his gift.. I rejoiced as he rendered the beautiful moment.
For the first time my heart told me that I had done a favor to someone.
The moments were filled with gay as we danced the whole night..
The days passed along happily and probably swiftly. Witnessing the successful conclusion of Campus Fiesta - 07 we replenished the moments we spent together and hoped that one day the pages of history would be turned for the moments to be lived again.
All this but I never felt secure at this place. Small bitter quarrels with the fellows came to be the shadow of my life at the hostel, except for the fellow who inspired me to live on until things be your way..
I really never relished the fun to the depth of my heart.. I always missed my birth land..
..for the all the happiness lived only a short moment for me..
I lived every moment with a hope to reunite with my birth land..
I remember the moment I sat helpless at room 403 crying at my fate, I felt helpless and pathetic with this portal being my only support, I sat down weeping at my study table penning down the voice of my heart…
I remember the Sundays that seemed to be the paths of hell..
..all the joy happiness never lived longed for me, I felt cheated and left alone even in the group of 11..
..probably eleven would have been unlucky for me, but I never knew…
My life at this place was a continuous struggle between my thoughts and my works as I never attained the peace of mind.
Looking back at the pages of history, I wonder why didn’t I ever enjoy the moments of joy to its full?
.. An old query popped up,
Am I psychopathic?
Leaving behind the matters of my life I thought to live on at this place for the sake of a friend, until..
There came a night that a few drunken seniors entered our room. There was an old rivalry on. They abused my friend badly and bruised him as we watched helplessly…
This really was an end to the thoughts of being together when no one came forward in the rescue of a fellow colleague being bruised in spite of we being in so many numbers.
The pledge of being together no longer held the truth, the trust had been lifted upon, the spirit of oneness no longer lived.. There was no point to live know as feelings of bitterness had developed among selves..
25th April 2007
..the day when I and him decided to leave the hostel..
..we left the hostel and the peer group at their own peril and headed on for a different new life in the city. I really never liked the place but it mattered for my friend as he had different plans for beautiful and fruitful hostel life.
Once again.. “some things in life can never be helped..”
The life took a dramatic change with different routine probably giving better times to both of us..
..and I hope that live on in a better way to revive the ways of life and live on in the hope to reunite the smoked souls and be happy ever again…
Signing off..
mE ‘n mA lonE soUl
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Ever Wondered?
... in the times of developments there have been great advances in terms of science & technology, fiction, social sciences, medical sciences, astrophysics, marine biology, and numerous other disciplines... but still there are some queries that remain unanswered for me...
.. the greatest of encyclopedias have failed to come up with a solution to these problems....
Ever wondered...
Half the million population of this world is illiterate, they have no knowledge about the discovery of gravity...
Q: Do their feet float on the Earth surface?
Q: Does it have any effect on their live?
Q: Does it have any effect on their economic strength?
The Books of History have the records of the civilisation till the earliest of records... dating back to even the before Christ era (B.C.)..
Q: Does the study of these civilisations get me a placement in the software firms?
Q: Does these studies have any effect on the present or the future of the coming generations?
Scientists are trying their level best to discover the traces of life in mars?
Q: Is the living earth population not enough to bear and provide its needs and requirements?
Q: Do the starving millions of Africa have any effect on the steps towards the eradication of their poverty?
Browsing through the pages of the daily newspaper some time back, it read "scientists have proposed that there are only eight planets in the solar system, instead of the previous prediction of nine..''
Q: Do the World Problems of land and water solve due to these kind of discoveries?
Q: What is the gain that the scientists have in doing these kind of researches?
Q: Does the fiction by the greatest of writers have any effect on the meaningful world of a man?
I mean his family life, social life, economic strength......
Q: Do all the developments taking place in this world are needed?
Q: Isn't there a need of awareness among the thinkers and developers to take a step forward in matters involving the matters of living.... in spite of collecting the fossil remains of the million year older 'dinosaurs' ( thought to have existed..)
Isn't the world still illiterate in these terms as the greatest of thinkers are unaware of the need of the hour?
changing tracks... matters of the world really don't matter in my personal life, but similar to the above comments.. there are some regarding the real part of personal life.... ( feelings, emotions and me..)
Q: What if I stop thinking about the abnormalities in my life?
Q: What if I stop Blogging?
Q: What if my comments on this portal be devoid of the dots '....' ?
Q: What if my views about the modern love be agreed by the generation of today?
Can't the present teen generation exist without the illicit relationships existing between the opposite sexes today?
Q: What if " this soul walks down the park lane with a girl round my arms''?
There are several unexplored possibilities and exclusive thoughts left unattended in this world which shall be considered in life... to live it to its most away from pain and agony...
These interesting thoughts are the real ingredients towards the development of a great thinker, be it .. addressing the problems of the world or simply making the lives of millions of depressed, easy.
Thoughts really develop the minds, nourish the scope of thinking, broaden the level of understanding, leading in the development of a better individual..
wonder Why do I sound so professional today.... it's time that i have realised the way of living in this world... '' be a professional...''
hope this spirit remains for the coming days before I return to the cobwebs of my distressed web of life....
Before wishing adieu to all give it a thought....
Q: What if I quit smoking?...
signing of..
me 'n mA loNE souL
.. the greatest of encyclopedias have failed to come up with a solution to these problems....
Ever wondered...
Half the million population of this world is illiterate, they have no knowledge about the discovery of gravity...
Q: Do their feet float on the Earth surface?
Q: Does it have any effect on their live?
Q: Does it have any effect on their economic strength?
The Books of History have the records of the civilisation till the earliest of records... dating back to even the before Christ era (B.C.)..
Q: Does the study of these civilisations get me a placement in the software firms?
Q: Does these studies have any effect on the present or the future of the coming generations?
Scientists are trying their level best to discover the traces of life in mars?
Q: Is the living earth population not enough to bear and provide its needs and requirements?
Q: Do the starving millions of Africa have any effect on the steps towards the eradication of their poverty?
Browsing through the pages of the daily newspaper some time back, it read "scientists have proposed that there are only eight planets in the solar system, instead of the previous prediction of nine..''
Q: Do the World Problems of land and water solve due to these kind of discoveries?
Q: What is the gain that the scientists have in doing these kind of researches?
Q: Does the fiction by the greatest of writers have any effect on the meaningful world of a man?
I mean his family life, social life, economic strength......
Q: Do all the developments taking place in this world are needed?
Q: Isn't there a need of awareness among the thinkers and developers to take a step forward in matters involving the matters of living.... in spite of collecting the fossil remains of the million year older 'dinosaurs' ( thought to have existed..)
Q: Does the discoveries of galaxies or the development in the cure of Thalasseimia more important?
Isn't the world still illiterate in these terms as the greatest of thinkers are unaware of the need of the hour?
changing tracks... matters of the world really don't matter in my personal life, but similar to the above comments.. there are some regarding the real part of personal life.... ( feelings, emotions and me..)
Q: What if I stop thinking about the abnormalities in my life?
Q: What if I stop Blogging?
Q: What if my comments on this portal be devoid of the dots '....' ?
Q: What if my views about the modern love be agreed by the generation of today?
Can't the present teen generation exist without the illicit relationships existing between the opposite sexes today?
Q: What if " this soul walks down the park lane with a girl round my arms''?
There are several unexplored possibilities and exclusive thoughts left unattended in this world which shall be considered in life... to live it to its most away from pain and agony...
These interesting thoughts are the real ingredients towards the development of a great thinker, be it .. addressing the problems of the world or simply making the lives of millions of depressed, easy.
Thoughts really develop the minds, nourish the scope of thinking, broaden the level of understanding, leading in the development of a better individual..
wonder Why do I sound so professional today.... it's time that i have realised the way of living in this world... '' be a professional...''
hope this spirit remains for the coming days before I return to the cobwebs of my distressed web of life....
Before wishing adieu to all give it a thought....
Q: What if I quit smoking?...
signing of..
me 'n mA loNE souL
Friday, June 1, 2007
I Love....
...with the End semesters on the head the mind does not allow to think about feelings, emotions but the heart cant wait longer, its time that the heart wishes to be all with me, my pen & my feelings..
Over the days, life has taken a real change around me, a different routine, different people to interact away from the group of batch mates that used to be together.
to me life has changed in a better way, but what's life with complete satisfaction...
...."All that is Gold does not GLITTER".....
"Search for un accomplishments to live on...
Whats the fun in living with all desires fulfilled"
"Har aarzu puri ho to jeene ka kya mazaa...
jeene ke liye ek kami ki talaash kar...."
I never had to search all this, my life runs parallel with the quotes, unfulfilled desires reside by my doorstep...
14051. I was denied a visit to my"homeland" - feels like homeland...
just a simple point out of the endless list (point no. to be noted)...
It was just the other day that i felt i was being used. I never wanted to think on that line, but the heart always wins on commanding the thoughts.
The world never wants to listen to my feelings...
the pen in my hand just gave u, but I wish to continue....
I felt like being taken advantage of my simplicity.. I waited for a friend for long on expense of being questioned at the court of my uncle, my local guardian.
I had done that a million times back home, I got this feeling of being cheated for the first time...
Q: Do people hear don't deserve this treatment?
(OR)
Have I become selfish?
Q: Does only true friend exist...?
..or even true friend's exist..?
lost in the thoughts, i wondered whether my decision to confront with the abnormalities of this place, in this manner was right or wrong?
The fact remains that I have never deceived a souls whom i brought close to my heart..
I don't have the history of changing my minds on people.
I wonder whether the world thought of this part of the friendship?
An applause requires two hands, a beginning needs an end, a relationship requires a couple,
Don't commitment's in friendship be supplied through both the inlet valves?
Why does always one person compromise?
Even fairy tales have it...
"... the dwarfs lived happily ever after after the efforts of the hunter, without which they could never exist in peace and harmony....
..The End.."
I remember reading these lines.. down the lane.....
Q: Can favours done be ever returned...
- favours by god
-favours by parents
-favours by siblings
-favours by friends....
It's only the faith on the friend that has let me live all these years, in spite of the situation being in antonym...
It's this faith that still makes me think.. whenever I sit alone...
Dear Friend,
Over the days, life has taken a real change around me, a different routine, different people to interact away from the group of batch mates that used to be together.
to me life has changed in a better way, but what's life with complete satisfaction...
...."All that is Gold does not GLITTER".....
"Search for un accomplishments to live on...
Whats the fun in living with all desires fulfilled"
"Har aarzu puri ho to jeene ka kya mazaa...
jeene ke liye ek kami ki talaash kar...."
I never had to search all this, my life runs parallel with the quotes, unfulfilled desires reside by my doorstep...
14051. I was denied a visit to my"homeland" - feels like homeland...
just a simple point out of the endless list (point no. to be noted)...
It was just the other day that i felt i was being used. I never wanted to think on that line, but the heart always wins on commanding the thoughts.
The world never wants to listen to my feelings...
the pen in my hand just gave u, but I wish to continue....
I felt like being taken advantage of my simplicity.. I waited for a friend for long on expense of being questioned at the court of my uncle, my local guardian.
I had done that a million times back home, I got this feeling of being cheated for the first time...
Q: Do people hear don't deserve this treatment?
(OR)
Have I become selfish?
Q: Does only true friend exist...?
..or even true friend's exist..?
lost in the thoughts, i wondered whether my decision to confront with the abnormalities of this place, in this manner was right or wrong?
The fact remains that I have never deceived a souls whom i brought close to my heart..
I don't have the history of changing my minds on people.
I wonder whether the world thought of this part of the friendship?
An applause requires two hands, a beginning needs an end, a relationship requires a couple,
Don't commitment's in friendship be supplied through both the inlet valves?
Why does always one person compromise?
Even fairy tales have it...
"... the dwarfs lived happily ever after after the efforts of the hunter, without which they could never exist in peace and harmony....
..The End.."
I remember reading these lines.. down the lane.....
Q: Can favours done be ever returned...
- favours by god
-favours by parents
-favours by siblings
-favours by friends....
It's only the faith on the friend that has let me live all these years, in spite of the situation being in antonym...
It's this faith that still makes me think.. whenever I sit alone...
Dear Friend,
"a footstep has echoed in my dreary room, i don't know who has come in my gloomy room,
..there remains a sense of abode, or who else would in a strange room..
..there is no one in my room yet, i feel i have left a guest in the room,
..the echo of your voice, jingles in my lifeless room..
..hardly do i get a place to sleep, often its filled with your possessions,
the garden were we had strolled, someone has thrown that garden in the room,
this room looks at me and, the pain becomes deeper in this isolated room.."
- itsme
but one thing shall be bear in mind before i call it signing off...
"Har haal mein denge saath aapka..
par..
mere is pyaar ko kamzori na samajhna..."
t'll then
signing off
me 'n mA loNe souL
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Good Afternoon
....
......
........
..........
Life has changed since the last time i had been here..
away from the routine life of the boarding i have at last started to gain momentum towards other concepts of my life. I have succeeded in putting complete brakes on the "unfortunate" routine.
Things have changed then..
friends have come closer... Sundays are not the same... Hours go by like minutes.... in real sense the engine of my life has finally started to crawl on its lines...
I think of the future today as heavy rain pours outside relieving of the severe heat (I suppose).
Wonder how will the End Semesters Examination go by as they wait only two weeks ahead.. lets hope for the best once again for this time...... just like i have kept hoping for the past twelve years of my education.
This is the time that most of the school teens await there fate... the results of their exams...
Down the lane... the moments never went by, the rush of blood almost split the veins.. the arteries seemed to bulge greater than the limb...
that's down the lane....
college results no more create that feeling.... I miss the pain...
The days of schooling...
It's time again that I have started longing for the school days to return back.... 'Old is Gold' they say..
This visit really had no real reason but it doesn't feel like living until I visit this portal frequently and abuse it for my purpose...
It's this portal that seems to never leave me alone, and promises to be together in every circumstances.... I have faith that this shall never deceive...
faith...
never trust.. always have faith...
i was counselling a friend the other day...
Just the simple reason that trust might be broken but faith continues to believe on inspite of all the jeopardy, simply because faith is that power that shall never be broken.
It's this faith that has really helped to overcome my routine life and build the tracks for a brand new journey. Trust would have just left me with scars hanging over a ceiling fan...
it's the faith that makes me remain existing until date.....
It's on this faith that I hope to live on and promise for a better tomorrow.....
hoping to come up with something new in a few days...
signing off
me 'N mA Lone SouL
......
........
..........
Life has changed since the last time i had been here..
away from the routine life of the boarding i have at last started to gain momentum towards other concepts of my life. I have succeeded in putting complete brakes on the "unfortunate" routine.
Things have changed then..
friends have come closer... Sundays are not the same... Hours go by like minutes.... in real sense the engine of my life has finally started to crawl on its lines...
I think of the future today as heavy rain pours outside relieving of the severe heat (I suppose).
Wonder how will the End Semesters Examination go by as they wait only two weeks ahead.. lets hope for the best once again for this time...... just like i have kept hoping for the past twelve years of my education.
This is the time that most of the school teens await there fate... the results of their exams...
Down the lane... the moments never went by, the rush of blood almost split the veins.. the arteries seemed to bulge greater than the limb...
that's down the lane....
college results no more create that feeling.... I miss the pain...
The days of schooling...
It's time again that I have started longing for the school days to return back.... 'Old is Gold' they say..
This visit really had no real reason but it doesn't feel like living until I visit this portal frequently and abuse it for my purpose...
It's this portal that seems to never leave me alone, and promises to be together in every circumstances.... I have faith that this shall never deceive...
faith...
never trust.. always have faith...
i was counselling a friend the other day...
Just the simple reason that trust might be broken but faith continues to believe on inspite of all the jeopardy, simply because faith is that power that shall never be broken.
It's this faith that has really helped to overcome my routine life and build the tracks for a brand new journey. Trust would have just left me with scars hanging over a ceiling fan...
it's the faith that makes me remain existing until date.....
It's on this faith that I hope to live on and promise for a better tomorrow.....
hoping to come up with something new in a few days...
signing off
me 'N mA Lone SouL
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
State of Today
two fore limbs and two hind limbs with an elongated tail, less than 1mm total body aperture, the exact structure of "peter".
peter is a vampire of this place in real meaning.
17 yrs of education had taught that vampires suck fresh human blood through the neck, peter is different. It causes bacterial inflammations all over the place it crawls on the body. This time he had come to visit my lower pelvic girdle region.
Its been two days that i have left my resting square, the inflammations made the slightest movement impossible.
It was an awful day with no work except bed rest, with all friends out to the city.
I wondered will I ever be alright?
16hrs since then the limbs don't allow the finger movement.... what if I have reduced 85kg - 55 kg in 6 months, thanks to Hostel Mess, New boys Hostel, Integral University, Lucknow.
(Address recommended for obese, weight conscious people)
All this but the heart longs to stay on its motto. True!... that itself is the real essence of life.
Thought: When do I succeed to achieve my motto?
People live for someone or another in this world, parents, wife, fiance, family, friend....
I wish to live for friend's'.... Is it possible??
Does the plural ever exist. Quotes have it " A true friend.."
Does true friend's' exists??
It remains a big question..
I wish that I'm on the right path.....
Philosophers had said, everyday has a new beginning...
Unfortunate again this never happened even today. The mind again buzzed up with the same queries.
Well thanks to this portal that I'm existing today.... other than the prominent cigarette puff's supporting it.....
from the past few months i have been living on a new additional supplement...
sentimental, sad, old songs including love songs...]
I have realised the importance of music in my life... Atif Aslam, Sonu Nigam and numerous unnamed.....
People listen to love songs in memories of their fiance, crush.. both of which which never existed in my life.
Wonder why do I still love the songs?
AM i psycho??
But ever wondered implying these songs on your life...
"Dil ke raaste pe kaise tokhar maine khai,
tute khwaab saare ek maayusi hai chaaii..."
The sorry biography of my life...
My friend loves the line in memories of a female, i do them in memories of my life, the present state of my life...
I no more feel to talk about all this... wonder why not??
Thanks to a friend that i have been living all these days, or i would have been history....
Looking at the problems he faces, ups and downs of his moods has give a silver lining to live on.......
"Dil me magar jalte rahe,
chahat ke diye.. tere liye....,"
Hope every second, he wears a smile on his face, happiness be his heart beats, wish my every step be joy in his life.. his tears flow through my tear gland......
Hope that i achieve my aim in some way.....
Sorry females if you feel I'm gay... even the worst of accusations affects this soul no more...
signing off seems awkward but there is no option left with me....
Me 'n mA loNE souL
peter is a vampire of this place in real meaning.
17 yrs of education had taught that vampires suck fresh human blood through the neck, peter is different. It causes bacterial inflammations all over the place it crawls on the body. This time he had come to visit my lower pelvic girdle region.
Its been two days that i have left my resting square, the inflammations made the slightest movement impossible.
It was an awful day with no work except bed rest, with all friends out to the city.
I wondered will I ever be alright?
16hrs since then the limbs don't allow the finger movement.... what if I have reduced 85kg - 55 kg in 6 months, thanks to Hostel Mess, New boys Hostel, Integral University, Lucknow.
(Address recommended for obese, weight conscious people)
All this but the heart longs to stay on its motto. True!... that itself is the real essence of life.
Thought: When do I succeed to achieve my motto?
People live for someone or another in this world, parents, wife, fiance, family, friend....
I wish to live for friend's'.... Is it possible??
Does the plural ever exist. Quotes have it " A true friend.."
Does true friend's' exists??
It remains a big question..
I wish that I'm on the right path.....
Philosophers had said, everyday has a new beginning...
Unfortunate again this never happened even today. The mind again buzzed up with the same queries.
Well thanks to this portal that I'm existing today.... other than the prominent cigarette puff's supporting it.....
from the past few months i have been living on a new additional supplement...
sentimental, sad, old songs including love songs...]
I have realised the importance of music in my life... Atif Aslam, Sonu Nigam and numerous unnamed.....
People listen to love songs in memories of their fiance, crush.. both of which which never existed in my life.
Wonder why do I still love the songs?
AM i psycho??
But ever wondered implying these songs on your life...
"Dil ke raaste pe kaise tokhar maine khai,
tute khwaab saare ek maayusi hai chaaii..."
The sorry biography of my life...
My friend loves the line in memories of a female, i do them in memories of my life, the present state of my life...
I no more feel to talk about all this... wonder why not??
Thanks to a friend that i have been living all these days, or i would have been history....
Looking at the problems he faces, ups and downs of his moods has give a silver lining to live on.......
"Dil me magar jalte rahe,
chahat ke diye.. tere liye....,"
Hope every second, he wears a smile on his face, happiness be his heart beats, wish my every step be joy in his life.. his tears flow through my tear gland......
Hope that i achieve my aim in some way.....
Sorry females if you feel I'm gay... even the worst of accusations affects this soul no more...
signing off seems awkward but there is no option left with me....
"There is always a reason for everything,
a reason to love,
a reason to die,
reason to live,
reason to cry,
but if u cant find a reason to smile...
can I be reason for a while..."
Me 'n mA loNE souL
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
