The dew quietly appears on the rear of the two- wheeler parked outside while I look down to men partially covered hovering around the place hoping to bring their wives some goods to be prepared for the night meal.
The fifth page on my daily newspaper read about the LGBT’s (i.e. lesbian, Gay, bi sexual and transgender), it’s quite uncommon to have such things on an Indian newspaper. It was a fabulous punch on the faces of those who talk about the so called Indian Culture. Is there a difference between the sexuality depicted in the western scriptures and those carved out in Khajuraho. It is to be noted that Khajuraho is a place in India with ancient carvings and artistic impressions on rocks portraying men and women in intimate positions with almost all the women semi nude.
Is this the ‘Indian Culture’ being talked about??
I mean it’s looks so pathetic when some ‘Indians’ posing themselves as the saviours of the nation talk about banning pubs, clubs, parties etc.. I mean when your own ancestors had no shame in displaying their women semi nude in public, which culture do you talk about to save?? I mean where’s the point of a western effect, when the entire tradition is purely Indian!!
I turned over, to reach the seventh page of my morning daily, the contents their read nothing but about the filthy ad cheap regional and caste politics that’s prevailing in the country. The western India seems to elate itself from the northerners, while those in the south consider themselves a completely different breed of human beings. I mean you cannot accept your own selves within your own boundaries, how do you expect to gain respect on foreign lands.
It’s quite deserving for the Indians to be treated the way they are being in places like Australia and England. I mean if you don’t respect your own self, if you don’t recognise your own people, if you try to differentiate in your own backyard, u eventually reap the way you sow. Isn’t it fascinating to see how god gives back to every one in his own special ways.
After quite an hour of criticism and sarcasm, I stepped out for a cup of tea to the nearest tea stall. Only to witness a young women at the top of her voice arguing over a penny with the grocer shop owner. Is shouting in public, shopping at road sides, hurdling through a group of men for a petty return, embarrassing your own dignity and self respect by staging a mockery of your personal matters on television shows (a reality TV show with a judge hearing cases of house hold matters, went on air few days back) the only way to assert women empowerment, and if all this is non – objectionable then why criticize cases of eve- teasing, molesting, rape etc.. when theirs an open invitation to carry out such acts, from all those women trying to empower themselves. aha!! even a fresh piece of bread certainly gets rotten if placed un attended in the open air..
Things apart, bickering about such issues just increases the hate percentage I have been carrying for this place since four years, with the clock standing at ninety degrees, an after thought flashed through that none of these issues could ever help me out personally in my career prospects.
How sarcastic by this time many would say, ‘now the dawg has come to his point’..
I’m almost at the end of my four year stint at my current learning school, with a mixed bag of reactions and memories throughout the learning period. I wonder whether this gamble of USD 10000 would ever pay – off. The whole game of engineering is just like a game of cards. The Ace of investment and the kings of attendances stick together always hoping for the queen of placement to have the final world. I believe these women are always deceiving, even in a game of cards.
Moving on, I just returned the other day from a local Pathology Test , after a doctor in his late 50’s diagnosed me of certain ailments, I last read about in my grade 12 Biology Handbook. The doctor was quite an enthusiast. He stepped upon his gear as I stepped upon my pocket. For each currency note he exchanged a new ailment, I was happy to learn that the whole transaction lasted only a mere three currency notes.
The whole bag of the four year memories have nothing than an ailment and a new blog. Wonder is this also a part of graduation??
I wonder how to evolve from this dreadrous routine of my life. The entire four years had nothing except a bowl of secrets and sorrows, a million un answered queries, filthy catfights, bitchy friendship feuds etc.
This is what I carry in the name of knowledge and experience with a very minute technical understanding after the completion of my degree course.
Looking at the world around me, every single being has a definite aim for his/her life, or rather a planned cause for which they are working and in the midst lies a ‘me’ who keeps sailing his little ferry of life in the pacific, only in hope to reach the west bound land rather than the Bermuda Triangle.
A faithful friend had rung me up the other day discussing one of my old written blogs. They say I am the worst pessimistic ever born on Earth. She figured it right, that the smile worn over my face veils a trillion facts buried behind. An hour of conversation made me realise, that it’s high time to find a solution for these unending blogs.
Why can’t I lead a real happy life from the depth of my heart??
..with all these happening around and yet many more to happen I’ll certainly be back...
t’ll then..
peace!!
mE ‘n mA LonE soUL
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Unchanging Realities
yo !
I’m back at the temple ringing the bells, it’s quite a resemblance they do that every morning and evening and I cry the same foul from dawn to dusk. Amidst some old fashioned Indian (rather bollywood) music, I lay stretched 6ft long wondering that whether any of this would help my prospects of future (I have changed yea ?? I have started thinking differently !!).
Changing tracks, let me look through my days routine, get up in the noon after a long torturous night have a smoke sit around have another cigarette, get some kind of a little refreshment from the nearest snack point, then have another smoke, keep lying on the bed, by the time it’s some thing like six or half past five by now, then switch on to some sad Indian melodies have another one or two rounds of smoke and then it’s time that the digestive system no longer accepts any more smoke signaling for something nutritious. A few faithful hop around at my place by that time to prepare dinner, there’s little time to brag around with them until they bid a sweet adieu for another long unending night and a rather extending day light.
hmph... watt a dayy !!
There seems to be a weird air around, something extremely boring, something really numb. I have really lost the lust of my life. I mean there’s nothing that seems to please me, I get stuck at things for no reason, I have lost the thing to enjoy certain moment, I really feel alienated (dunno some even called me by the name alien).
There seems to be nothing that’s working out right, I mean what do I actually expect from myself, my life, my peers, I dunno ??
I mean why do I rather expect something from some one else in the first place ?? I mean is it something that’s naturally in every being or is it that I have developed something extra-ordinary (proving to be an alien ?? dunno ).
I mean am I some kind a real messiah or something that I do all the good things for every one and get nothing in returns ?? I guess the obvious answer remains nay, then why am I like this ?? I mean is there something that’s really gone wrong inside me that needs some kind of a treatment.
Things apart…
I remember my English teacher in school she was like empty vessels make more noise, I guess it’s certainly not noise but definitely creates a vacuum for all the craps to grow up. (I thought it requires a moist environment for the fungus to prosper I guess the brain cells secrete some kind of a substance when being lonely creating some kind of a virtual marsh land.)
Voila !! Certainly this may be the reason that an individual cries alone !! (Always).
Talking to people over the phone, they keep repeating the same old chants. “wa happened ?? Why do you think negative ?? Be happy every thing will be alright …”
Be happy… for what ??
Happy for deceiving the family, happy for being a total loser, happy for being cornered by every one for every simple reason, happy for being hated the most among friends, happy for being one with all the problems, happy for being alone …??
Be happy… for what ??
Well I can be happy for being gifted by god all the facilities, luxuries, all of those things of which (in the present scenario) a millions in this world are deprived off. I thank my Lord from the depth of my heart for all that (I mean not as a consolation),
But is that all ?? (Forgive me O’ Lord for anything wrong).
Coming to the point…
Deep inside if every one remains true to one self, none of the above mentioned reasons can be lied. I remember saying that to a friend, I guess there is everything that remains, good or bad, in some arteries of the heart, the happenings keep pumping again and again. There may be some who certainly don’t realize it, but it remains.
I mean all that has taken place between any two or three or more, it might me forgotten for the moment or overnight but eventually or rather practically there is nothing that fades out forever not even after death. If it would have been, there wouldn’t have existed what we know as memories.
Anyway the matters seem to grow worse day by day, as I say that I wished I had another cigarette to end this painful journey, at least for the moment. I hope there is some kind of an angel revelation to help me recover out of this state. I hope I don’t die a painful Smokey death.
But for the moment, I remember a famous quote “A friend in need is a friend Indeed”… I certainly need a friend at least for the moment, a friend…
….
mE ‘n mA lonE SouL
I’m back at the temple ringing the bells, it’s quite a resemblance they do that every morning and evening and I cry the same foul from dawn to dusk. Amidst some old fashioned Indian (rather bollywood) music, I lay stretched 6ft long wondering that whether any of this would help my prospects of future (I have changed yea ?? I have started thinking differently !!).
Changing tracks, let me look through my days routine, get up in the noon after a long torturous night have a smoke sit around have another cigarette, get some kind of a little refreshment from the nearest snack point, then have another smoke, keep lying on the bed, by the time it’s some thing like six or half past five by now, then switch on to some sad Indian melodies have another one or two rounds of smoke and then it’s time that the digestive system no longer accepts any more smoke signaling for something nutritious. A few faithful hop around at my place by that time to prepare dinner, there’s little time to brag around with them until they bid a sweet adieu for another long unending night and a rather extending day light.
hmph... watt a dayy !!
There seems to be a weird air around, something extremely boring, something really numb. I have really lost the lust of my life. I mean there’s nothing that seems to please me, I get stuck at things for no reason, I have lost the thing to enjoy certain moment, I really feel alienated (dunno some even called me by the name alien).
There seems to be nothing that’s working out right, I mean what do I actually expect from myself, my life, my peers, I dunno ??
I mean why do I rather expect something from some one else in the first place ?? I mean is it something that’s naturally in every being or is it that I have developed something extra-ordinary (proving to be an alien ?? dunno ).
I mean am I some kind a real messiah or something that I do all the good things for every one and get nothing in returns ?? I guess the obvious answer remains nay, then why am I like this ?? I mean is there something that’s really gone wrong inside me that needs some kind of a treatment.
Things apart…
I remember my English teacher in school she was like empty vessels make more noise, I guess it’s certainly not noise but definitely creates a vacuum for all the craps to grow up. (I thought it requires a moist environment for the fungus to prosper I guess the brain cells secrete some kind of a substance when being lonely creating some kind of a virtual marsh land.)
Voila !! Certainly this may be the reason that an individual cries alone !! (Always).
Talking to people over the phone, they keep repeating the same old chants. “wa happened ?? Why do you think negative ?? Be happy every thing will be alright …”
Be happy… for what ??
Happy for deceiving the family, happy for being a total loser, happy for being cornered by every one for every simple reason, happy for being hated the most among friends, happy for being one with all the problems, happy for being alone …??
Be happy… for what ??
Well I can be happy for being gifted by god all the facilities, luxuries, all of those things of which (in the present scenario) a millions in this world are deprived off. I thank my Lord from the depth of my heart for all that (I mean not as a consolation),
But is that all ?? (Forgive me O’ Lord for anything wrong).
Coming to the point…
Deep inside if every one remains true to one self, none of the above mentioned reasons can be lied. I remember saying that to a friend, I guess there is everything that remains, good or bad, in some arteries of the heart, the happenings keep pumping again and again. There may be some who certainly don’t realize it, but it remains.
I mean all that has taken place between any two or three or more, it might me forgotten for the moment or overnight but eventually or rather practically there is nothing that fades out forever not even after death. If it would have been, there wouldn’t have existed what we know as memories.
Anyway the matters seem to grow worse day by day, as I say that I wished I had another cigarette to end this painful journey, at least for the moment. I hope there is some kind of an angel revelation to help me recover out of this state. I hope I don’t die a painful Smokey death.
But for the moment, I remember a famous quote “A friend in need is a friend Indeed”… I certainly need a friend at least for the moment, a friend…
….
mE ‘n mA lonE SouL
Friday, March 6, 2009
Confession
eyy !!
It’s been time since I last sat down, draped in the curtains of pain and guilt, I’m the same even again. Lightening never strikes twice they.. i dunno .. I don’t even happen to be a German to survive the strike at an alarming seven times !!
..probably there has been some kind of genetic malfunction inside me..
well might be, probably for a hundred trillion reasons (why not ?? When there can be a hundred million for an ordinary condom !!).
Taking an overview at the conditions there have been certain awful but certainly most interesting observations. It seems time has repeated itself again, I have returned to my original music play list (u might have got it..), I have the same feelings same old opinions about life, same old baby cry’, same old kiddy problems, same…
Voila !! There’s one thing that’s changed, I have replaced my drawer cum ash tray arrangement with an ash tray !! ( got some cash nowadays..)
Dragging along with the same old problems (everyone quite aware of that), a plenty more have got themselves attached on to the back, pulverizing the already fractured shoulders.(dunno.. seems to be some kind of a festive offer !! Buy 1 Get 5 Free !! hah..)
humph.. There seems to be no real future due to the ongoing global recession, (“– President Barack Obama is laboring to persuade the American people of the need for a virtually unprecedented $827 billion measure to resuscitate an economy he accuses the Bush administration of smothering.”). The President seems to be getting “Indian” playing the blame game. Let’s hope this money helps we suffering “professionals”(hoping to be one in near future.)
Moving Away, the heart no more seems to be forgive, to live a deceiving life. I don’t know the question lies for how many days is this going to work out ?? For how long do I keep saying that life goes on !! ( i guess there’s no exponential that’s forever..).
I mean for how long do I mock around with my family ?? For how long do I live cursing myself in this manner?? For how long does every f***n effort go in vain ?? For how long…
Life goes on.. Yea !! Absolutely right but isn’t it true that there is every thing that stays, I mean it remains haunting some where, consciously or un consciously, it stays, it has tit’s own effects, own consequences.. I mean everything about, everything that happens in everyday life, matters with family, friends or just any one.. be it any one..
Talked about the recession previously I think instead of blaming the conditions the truth lies that there is a real lack of potential basically within myself that arouses all kinds of suspicion in mind ?? Isn’t it ??
Nothing seems to be working out right.. I dunno.. My friend says everything will be alright ?? Let’s hope that he has the word’s of an angel !!
dunno.. they say there’s always some level of “god” in every individual (dunno.. I hope I don’t disregard my faith.)
As mentioned earlier it’s the guilt that has forced me again to return to this state..
This might seem a pretty weird but some replies and some truths might help the ailing mental state..
I dunno..
Just forgive me for everything that has gone wrong just because of me, forgive me for every instant that’s gone down cuz’ of me, forgive me for all the problems caused due to me….
Forgive me for being a coward, for being selfish, for being mean, for being arrogant, for being possessive, for being this philosophical, for over reacting, for over caring, for being proud, for expecting returns for the minute things done, for the lies, for the truths, for being a hypocrite, for everything.. just everything ..
Pardon me ppl !! And hope that my Lord does the same with me ..
Signing off..
mE ‘n mA lonE SouL
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Thinking..
It's been really long since the last time i thought about myself, a self instated exile has finally vanished, preferred in search of true values of life, eternal peace and serenity, with nothing turning out to be optimistic the last nail drilled on the empty coffin of hopes aspirations and admiration's.
.. n thus, I'm back !!
The air outside seem to have new vibes (i thought..) but my sixth sense quickly knocked me off the sleep over into the reality of this world. I thought that there would have been major changes since the experiment being conducted in the large hadron collider, the local newspaper almost predicted the end of the universe(i wished so..) but the life of my little spidey seems to be the same. Weeks after weeks he spins around a new web on the lower end of drawer ( cum ash-tray), he did seem to be disturbed during the period of the experiment, wonder if these creatures are angels in disguise..
Wondering at the changes around, the Americans celebrating the historic win on Barack Hussein Obama in the recent concluded presidential elections (i followed it quiet closely), the fall of major banking firms, the dripping economy, falling fuel prices, major bail outs, job cuts etc etc..
it's been quiet a happening for the media community, fuelling in a new life thereby retiring the news channels of the pesky cat fights of the film industry, routine fire crackers ( RDX, Ammonia, Nitrates, contained) etc..
.. looking further there's been quiet a change in the little world around me as well..
some are on the verge of looking into the new era of life (marriage), some trying to negotiate their dreams into realities (migrating to US for higher studies).. and many more, considering some of them that remain un informed.. hmph..
.. but some things in this are devoid of the sunshine, the new morning, the new beginning, the urge to evolve from the grave and transcend to the cradle..
I cried my heart out on the lanes running beside the Food point of my institution, as i was denied the least of the favours asked, a few minutes, a very little effort that would have least of all made me gay for the very next moment. I thought changes are in live are meant for both evil and good (everyone falls in either of the two categories.. but.. where am I ??).
aha.. suddenly the bronchitis seem to feel a different pressure inside me.. i sense an expiration (in terms of breathing)..
I saw off my little joy the other day on the airport terminal, the little excitement, support that kindled inside the lonely heart flew off the IC 883 sharjah bound flight, another promising soul ended the eight month long commitment, settling into it's own world of fantasies, a close family unit departed back to the home land (DXB).
The life long pals, no more seem to be interested in the fairy tales of friendship, the long linking thread has lost it's glitter. The prospects of better future, new pathways, better partners seem to justify the ageing of the previous bonds.
(Q: "Old is Gold" [still ??] ).. hmph..
Unfortunately (again), the new peers around me seem to be no delight, even after being the rightest of angels in all the deeds and works the hostile attitude has no signs of alteration. I wonder if I really deserve the punishment's ?? It's really odd when I'm forced to think about these age old, historic issues of my life in this rapidly developing era, but the more odd it seems ... more real it gets into my life..
However, the word count seems to be indicating a thousand which according to general pshycosis might eat up a few hundred thousand seconds to read and understand (the crap)..
.. seems quite a lot considering the busy schedules of the people..
Leaving this portal seems to be quiet heavy, after just a short stint, but its bound to happen. I hope to come back to you people soon.
Note: The views on this blog are totally personal. Anything objectionable is deeply regretted.
However, the fact remains that Truth always stands it's position..
Hope to reunite again.. for the dedication of "Smoked Souls"
Logging off..
mE 'n mA lonE SouL
.. n thus, I'm back !!
The air outside seem to have new vibes (i thought..) but my sixth sense quickly knocked me off the sleep over into the reality of this world. I thought that there would have been major changes since the experiment being conducted in the large hadron collider, the local newspaper almost predicted the end of the universe(i wished so..) but the life of my little spidey seems to be the same. Weeks after weeks he spins around a new web on the lower end of drawer ( cum ash-tray), he did seem to be disturbed during the period of the experiment, wonder if these creatures are angels in disguise..
Wondering at the changes around, the Americans celebrating the historic win on Barack Hussein Obama in the recent concluded presidential elections (i followed it quiet closely), the fall of major banking firms, the dripping economy, falling fuel prices, major bail outs, job cuts etc etc..
it's been quiet a happening for the media community, fuelling in a new life thereby retiring the news channels of the pesky cat fights of the film industry, routine fire crackers ( RDX, Ammonia, Nitrates, contained) etc..
.. looking further there's been quiet a change in the little world around me as well..
some are on the verge of looking into the new era of life (marriage), some trying to negotiate their dreams into realities (migrating to US for higher studies).. and many more, considering some of them that remain un informed.. hmph..
.. but some things in this are devoid of the sunshine, the new morning, the new beginning, the urge to evolve from the grave and transcend to the cradle..
I cried my heart out on the lanes running beside the Food point of my institution, as i was denied the least of the favours asked, a few minutes, a very little effort that would have least of all made me gay for the very next moment. I thought changes are in live are meant for both evil and good (everyone falls in either of the two categories.. but.. where am I ??).
aha.. suddenly the bronchitis seem to feel a different pressure inside me.. i sense an expiration (in terms of breathing)..
I saw off my little joy the other day on the airport terminal, the little excitement, support that kindled inside the lonely heart flew off the IC 883 sharjah bound flight, another promising soul ended the eight month long commitment, settling into it's own world of fantasies, a close family unit departed back to the home land (DXB).
The life long pals, no more seem to be interested in the fairy tales of friendship, the long linking thread has lost it's glitter. The prospects of better future, new pathways, better partners seem to justify the ageing of the previous bonds.
(Q: "Old is Gold" [still ??] ).. hmph..
Unfortunately (again), the new peers around me seem to be no delight, even after being the rightest of angels in all the deeds and works the hostile attitude has no signs of alteration. I wonder if I really deserve the punishment's ?? It's really odd when I'm forced to think about these age old, historic issues of my life in this rapidly developing era, but the more odd it seems ... more real it gets into my life..
However, the word count seems to be indicating a thousand which according to general pshycosis might eat up a few hundred thousand seconds to read and understand (the crap)..
.. seems quite a lot considering the busy schedules of the people..
Leaving this portal seems to be quiet heavy, after just a short stint, but its bound to happen. I hope to come back to you people soon.
Note: The views on this blog are totally personal. Anything objectionable is deeply regretted.
However, the fact remains that Truth always stands it's position..
Hope to reunite again.. for the dedication of "Smoked Souls"
Logging off..
mE 'n mA lonE SouL
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Dubai...
Dubai… I used to be there a few days back.
Dubai… I had fun there.
Dubai… where I grew up.
Dubai… where my parents stay.
Dubai… hot as ever.
Dubai… pretty.
Dubai… the place where the 9/11 terrorists came from.
Dubai… expensive.
Dubai… beautiful.
Dubai… non democratic.
Dubai… rich boy’s playground.
Dubai… tallest building in the world.
But for me…Dubai… HOME.
MeE
JB signin off...
Dubai… I had fun there.
Dubai… where I grew up.
Dubai… where my parents stay.
Dubai… hot as ever.
Dubai… pretty.
Dubai… the place where the 9/11 terrorists came from.
Dubai… expensive.
Dubai… beautiful.
Dubai… non democratic.
Dubai… rich boy’s playground.
Dubai… tallest building in the world.
But for me…Dubai… HOME.
MeE
JB signin off...
Sunday, April 13, 2008
‡..From the Cradle to the †Grave†..
The awful chassis of the Bajaj Pulsar, Model: 2000 broke down on the national highway, as I flew through the thin air due to Inertia at motion, falling right on the ramous mandible. The fellow on the driving seat had his heart out as he watched me puking a thousand ounces of pure human blood.
I remember being bandaged on the bed of the nearby primary health centre, it wasn’t all that new until a moment when the angels of death passed across my sight, the soul began to shiver as if asked to be nude on the Arctic’s. My little thinking factory scrolled through my entire life searching for good deeds, looking for praises, hoping or well- wishers. I thought of many instances but all ended up as a mirage in great sands of Arabia.
Every bright beginning had a sour ending. Every favor done had a series of misleading acts to reach its actual destination. I quickly apologized to all of who I could remember.
In the midst of this chaos and agony there came a little fairy, whispered some un understandable chants and went away. I flashed opened my eyes, my luck had favored me for the first time, I looked upon my complete peer group, relatives..
..unfortunately I could afford only a battered smile..
It wasn’t long enough as I reached my mansion with my chin bandaged after being stitched, and the burns being attended upon, some mere ordinary ointment.
I was hurt, damaged, injured, horrified, helpless as I lie down on my resting square trying to resist the pain due to the impact of the fall.
A week had gone by destiny struck again, the lord of the dungeons came upon the earth my jaws were tied down with heavy metal bars and jammed together with ultra synthetic rubber bands, to await the healing of the broken condoyle, awfully discovered only after 168 hours of the incident. Thereafter I forced on a fluid diet for another 41 days 14 hours and 47 seconds.
..I wondered will I recover of the first accident or probably the last accident of my unforgiving life..
That’s quiet a history know…
Life has taken it’s own way, with more joyful surprises and unthinkable obstacles to be faced. Just a s I came back what could be the most enterprising, enduring, enthralling, stupendous vacation back in Dubai, a new whiz awaited my arrival.
I learnt that I had to stay all alone in the 2700sq.ft mansion, a friend pledged to have live together mocked away.
I wondered what had gone wrong between us? Did I deserve this? Or was it that I just discovered “Mr. Hyde” . I could not recall an instance that could have been the reason of this agony. I wish one would tell me where was I wrong?
Wonder why life has no mercy on me?
Am I the worst ever person existing in this world?
It wasn’t longer that I picked up a routine, the part of my life that even Columbus would never have wished to discover.
I cried the nights and cursed the days as each passing hour would mimic the plight of my soul. I lived with people back biting about my condition, as if I was the only sinner in this world.
Wonder how quickly the days change…
..An year ago..
I was in the hostel with the much awaited 5-storey birthday cake and the Campus Fiesta - 07 event to follow. The heart would dance on the ribs as the count down began. For once I rejoiced from the depth of my heart in spite of being away from my home land.
18th February 2008
00:00 am
I lied back at my resting square staring at the long night, with the eyes flooded of memories and happenings. I wondered if this was the only thing that was left to happen with this soul.
I remember attending a few calls of well wishers but even today I was left to gasp around when “some” didn’t even bother to leave a blank call.
..I hope it’s not a sin to expect things from people you call “friends”..
..Is man a born sinner?
As if this wasn’t enough, I sat back all alone in the penultimate row of the Fiesta - 08 fanfare amidst the chaos of “Dard - e- Disco” by Kultar Singh, while the entire college flocked together dancing the night as if the blossoms of English summer.
Wonder will I succeed any day in my life in evolving out of this miraculous web wound around me?
I wish I at least succeed academically, and leave the rest on my hard luck, fate, destiny..
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.
- denis waitley
..Aha....Let’s hope that I start loving the misfortunes and be grateful to the routine tortures and constant rejection of my favors done..
…..
…….
Shucks !
Even the newspapers do not avoid mocking the condition of this soul..
† ..O Lord! Relieve me of my pain, agony, despair, grieve and give a chance to the soul to live through the fanatics of this world like all others…
.. I beg you.. ma lord.. †
..
Signing off..
mE ‘n mA LonE souL
Vote for me now! Blogomania 2010 sponsored by Odyssey360 The 24 hour online book store with 5 milion books to choose from.
I remember being bandaged on the bed of the nearby primary health centre, it wasn’t all that new until a moment when the angels of death passed across my sight, the soul began to shiver as if asked to be nude on the Arctic’s. My little thinking factory scrolled through my entire life searching for good deeds, looking for praises, hoping or well- wishers. I thought of many instances but all ended up as a mirage in great sands of Arabia.
Every bright beginning had a sour ending. Every favor done had a series of misleading acts to reach its actual destination. I quickly apologized to all of who I could remember.
In the midst of this chaos and agony there came a little fairy, whispered some un understandable chants and went away. I flashed opened my eyes, my luck had favored me for the first time, I looked upon my complete peer group, relatives..
..unfortunately I could afford only a battered smile..
It wasn’t long enough as I reached my mansion with my chin bandaged after being stitched, and the burns being attended upon, some mere ordinary ointment.
I was hurt, damaged, injured, horrified, helpless as I lie down on my resting square trying to resist the pain due to the impact of the fall.
A week had gone by destiny struck again, the lord of the dungeons came upon the earth my jaws were tied down with heavy metal bars and jammed together with ultra synthetic rubber bands, to await the healing of the broken condoyle, awfully discovered only after 168 hours of the incident. Thereafter I forced on a fluid diet for another 41 days 14 hours and 47 seconds.
..I wondered will I recover of the first accident or probably the last accident of my unforgiving life..
That’s quiet a history know…
Life has taken it’s own way, with more joyful surprises and unthinkable obstacles to be faced. Just a s I came back what could be the most enterprising, enduring, enthralling, stupendous vacation back in Dubai, a new whiz awaited my arrival.
I learnt that I had to stay all alone in the 2700sq.ft mansion, a friend pledged to have live together mocked away.
I wondered what had gone wrong between us? Did I deserve this? Or was it that I just discovered “Mr. Hyde” . I could not recall an instance that could have been the reason of this agony. I wish one would tell me where was I wrong?
Wonder why life has no mercy on me?
Am I the worst ever person existing in this world?
It wasn’t longer that I picked up a routine, the part of my life that even Columbus would never have wished to discover.
I cried the nights and cursed the days as each passing hour would mimic the plight of my soul. I lived with people back biting about my condition, as if I was the only sinner in this world.
Wonder how quickly the days change…
..An year ago..
I was in the hostel with the much awaited 5-storey birthday cake and the Campus Fiesta - 07 event to follow. The heart would dance on the ribs as the count down began. For once I rejoiced from the depth of my heart in spite of being away from my home land.
18th February 2008
00:00 am
I lied back at my resting square staring at the long night, with the eyes flooded of memories and happenings. I wondered if this was the only thing that was left to happen with this soul.
I remember attending a few calls of well wishers but even today I was left to gasp around when “some” didn’t even bother to leave a blank call.
..I hope it’s not a sin to expect things from people you call “friends”..
..Is man a born sinner?
As if this wasn’t enough, I sat back all alone in the penultimate row of the Fiesta - 08 fanfare amidst the chaos of “Dard - e- Disco” by Kultar Singh, while the entire college flocked together dancing the night as if the blossoms of English summer.
Wonder will I succeed any day in my life in evolving out of this miraculous web wound around me?
I wish I at least succeed academically, and leave the rest on my hard luck, fate, destiny..
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.
- denis waitley
..Aha....Let’s hope that I start loving the misfortunes and be grateful to the routine tortures and constant rejection of my favors done..
…..
…….
Shucks !
Even the newspapers do not avoid mocking the condition of this soul..
† ..O Lord! Relieve me of my pain, agony, despair, grieve and give a chance to the soul to live through the fanatics of this world like all others…
.. I beg you.. ma lord.. †
..
Signing off..
mE ‘n mA LonE souL
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Wednesday, September 12, 2007
And they Cry...
YESTERDAY
Another normal day...go to college one hour late...bunk the last hour...pick up some whisky and biryani on the way back home...get to the apartment and start eating...then go on get drunk...all normal...then we decide to go to the french classes.All this going great...
On the way down in the lift...a female friend of mine goes like "I wanna sit in the front of the seat"
HUH???!
Then after a 50m sprint to the car i manage to reach the door of the front seat...
Then begins the bitchfight.
GIRL:"Why the fuck do u have to sit in the front seat?U always do so...i never make an issue..." yadayadayadayada
MeE: "Dont FUCKIn tell me you dont make a FUCKIN issue...FUCK SHIT!FUCK you!IF u want the FUCKIN front seat just tell me that...dont FUCK around with me..."
GIRL:"I want the Front seat."
MeE(FUCK!i did not expect that !!!!):"FUCK you!i dont feel like giving you the front seat...why the FUCK should i take shit from you???"
Girl walks away....MeE runs behind her asking her to take the front seat.She doesn't...yells at me outside my apartment complex while all the ladies are staring at MeE and then girl does something very smart.
SHE STARTS CRYING!
Now the ladies stare at MeE as though he has jus finished raping the girl,thrown acid on her face,cut her hair and chopped off her fingers and put em in lil jars.
Thats all cool...dont talk to her whole damn day.Bought one more quarter in the night.Even more chilled.Woke up today morning...went to college.
Sat with the only other girl in college...and then we start talking.As usual around the female species I cease to exist and MeE takes over...
MeE : "You know what...happy people irritate me.Everybody is so genuinely happy these days.Aren't there any nice depressed people who i can actually connect with?And the only people who are unhappy is only u and me..."
response.....
GIRL#2: START CRYING LIKE A BABY
MeE : @###@$#@@@#!!%^
I just dont get it.... i swear...I just dont...
MeE
JB signin off...
Another normal day...go to college one hour late...bunk the last hour...pick up some whisky and biryani on the way back home...get to the apartment and start eating...then go on get drunk...all normal...then we decide to go to the french classes.All this going great...
On the way down in the lift...a female friend of mine goes like "I wanna sit in the front of the seat"
HUH???!
Then after a 50m sprint to the car i manage to reach the door of the front seat...
Then begins the bitchfight.
GIRL:"Why the fuck do u have to sit in the front seat?U always do so...i never make an issue..." yadayadayadayada
MeE: "Dont FUCKIn tell me you dont make a FUCKIN issue...FUCK SHIT!FUCK you!IF u want the FUCKIN front seat just tell me that...dont FUCK around with me..."
GIRL:"I want the Front seat."
MeE(FUCK!i did not expect that !!!!):"FUCK you!i dont feel like giving you the front seat...why the FUCK should i take shit from you???"
Girl walks away....MeE runs behind her asking her to take the front seat.She doesn't...yells at me outside my apartment complex while all the ladies are staring at MeE and then girl does something very smart.
SHE STARTS CRYING!
Now the ladies stare at MeE as though he has jus finished raping the girl,thrown acid on her face,cut her hair and chopped off her fingers and put em in lil jars.
Thats all cool...dont talk to her whole damn day.Bought one more quarter in the night.Even more chilled.Woke up today morning...went to college.
Sat with the only other girl in college...and then we start talking.As usual around the female species I cease to exist and MeE takes over...
MeE : "You know what...happy people irritate me.Everybody is so genuinely happy these days.Aren't there any nice depressed people who i can actually connect with?And the only people who are unhappy is only u and me..."
response.....
GIRL#2: START CRYING LIKE A BABY
MeE : @###@$#@@@#!!%^
I just dont get it.... i swear...I just dont...
MeE
JB signin off...
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