12/20/13 – 2214 HRS [edit: typos]
I closed the browser page to realize that’s its exactly two
years since I had been here. I thought the world ended in 2012, unlikely that I’m
still blogging from the skies. Life’s been a roller coaster as usual in the days,
I am a Security Analyst now !
I couldn’t control my smirk as I spell out the last lines,
even my senses don’t bare a chance to mock at me. My current position doesn’t hold much
relevance to my life, except that it gives me food, shelter and clothing. I
like the profession though, which doesn’t qualify me as a deserving individual
at that place, though, I am a mediocre at my work, doing the regular stuffs,
only hoping that a miracle can help me survive the competitive market.
I know this is the most irrational expansion of what I have
been doing, but it should be enough to conceive that my career seems to be
unwavering at this time, hoping to attain the acceptable level at some point of
time. However, the future is a little hazy pertaining to the current work
atmosphere and client interaction. (For all Americans !) I come from the IT
service Industry / Information Services, where the truth of surviving the race
to the target is regular orgasms, and a contraceptive pill can definitely
denture your hopes for growth.
Moving on, I moved to a different geographical location a few
months back, currently residing at 25°18′N 51°31′E (for all Indians – Read:
Doha , Qatar). It’s a quiet, laid back city in the middle of quaternary, with
most of the local population arrogant and ignorant. The only learned men running
the daily firms are either of Indian Origin, or the people from the west and Middle
Eastern Arab countries.
It’s not the same as Dubai, which is quite happening for
most of its part, with great infrastructure and modern surroundings, reminding me
of the live that I actually looked for.
Here, in the midst of Arabia, as I must say, in a moderately
8 square meters room, the only activity that last for long hours of boredom and
staleness is the repeated sound of Indian movies, playing for the millionth
time. Other sorts of entertainment include frequent visits to the toilet,
opening and closing of doors, shifting bases from the bed to couch back to bed,
sneezing at times, breathing for most of the times and thinking of a sci-fi mythological
figure which would be born one day, to fly me out of this dungeon or at least digest
me as his last supper !
I thought of putting up all the rants that have been doing
rounds in my mind, being up-to-date with
all the political circus happening around the globe, but decided to list it all,
in the posts to follow.
A lot has happened since I was here last, a no. posts couldn’t
make it to the forefront for all unexplained reasons, and however, the time has
come to revive the sheen on my lost gold, the eternal peace of my life. I am
not sure if I had mentioned this in the past, but there is a little difference in
the loneliness that haunted me and the kind of solitude am in now. I found a
significant other (SO) to be with, probably even before December 2011 (the last
time I was here).
I remember reading amor
cuerdo , no es amor [edit: Spanish], as I set out on this new fantasy. It’s
been lovable, adorable, and delectable in some parts while the rest hope to be
in peace. I know this is how it turns out for almost everyone, but the very
purpose of this blog is not to stand out unique or different in any ways. This
space is a part of my life, irrespective of being customary.
I have been the silent sob for the most part of this relationship
which I don’t mind though, while the only thought that lingers is that my SO, doesn’t
let me down one day. I don’t except much but just a little love and care, never
to be in the shoes of Niemoller who once said, “First they came for the
socialists, and i didn't speak out because i wasn't a socialist. Then they came
for the trade unionists, and i didn't speak out because i wasn't a trade
unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and i didn't speak out because i wasn't
a Jew. Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me. “ I would
be muted for the rest of my life.
Moving on, it’s seems to be rebuttal of time, wonder if the clock
hands have started to run backwards, I have returned to some old Indian
melodies, I have started to love pain, I feel cursed again, I evaluated my faith
, I feel lonely again. The past months have been difficult in terms of mental reconciliation
and emotional bliss. Prudence however, explains these situations to be
completely natural, but my little thinking factory seizes to accept.
I remember the days, back in the hut when I longed for a
personal space, an area of conscience to play around with my spirits of
goodwill and hell. I had always thought this new venture would be more
enduring, more likeable, but it turned out to be on the contrary. It’s a mixed
bag of emotions every day. The new work order, doesn’t have much on offer at
present, and feel to be coveted by the loved arms of someone special, eats into
the rest of the day.
Never mind, I don’t have much to say now, but I will be back
soon with more thoughts on a regular basis. I wish to sign off with a few lines
I am with right now, [edit: Urdu/Hindi]
Sukh ban gaye sapne , Sab kho gaye apne
Dil bujh gaya, Ghar jal gaya
Na jaane kyun na jaane kyun
Yaadon ka phir aanchal uda
Na jaane kyun na jaane kyun
Kyun so gayi shame , Kat na sake raate
Dil bujh gaya, Ghar jal gaya
Na jaane kyun na jaane kyun
The joys have
turned to memories, all near ones have parted ways
My Heart has lost
the light, the house is on fire
i dunno y.. dunno y
Reminiscences have
flown away
I dunno y.. dunno
y
Why the evenings
have fallen apart, I’s difficult to see through the night
My Heart has lost
the light, the house is on fire
i dunno y.. dunno y
I dunno y ..
mE ‘n mA LonE souL
