YESTERDAY
Another normal day...go to college one hour late...bunk the last hour...pick up some whisky and biryani on the way back home...get to the apartment and start eating...then go on get drunk...all normal...then we decide to go to the french classes.All this going great...
On the way down in the lift...a female friend of mine goes like "I wanna sit in the front of the seat"
HUH???!
Then after a 50m sprint to the car i manage to reach the door of the front seat...
Then begins the bitchfight.
GIRL:"Why the fuck do u have to sit in the front seat?U always do so...i never make an issue..." yadayadayadayada
MeE: "Dont FUCKIn tell me you dont make a FUCKIN issue...FUCK SHIT!FUCK you!IF u want the FUCKIN front seat just tell me that...dont FUCK around with me..."
GIRL:"I want the Front seat."
MeE(FUCK!i did not expect that !!!!):"FUCK you!i dont feel like giving you the front seat...why the FUCK should i take shit from you???"
Girl walks away....MeE runs behind her asking her to take the front seat.She doesn't...yells at me outside my apartment complex while all the ladies are staring at MeE and then girl does something very smart.
SHE STARTS CRYING!
Now the ladies stare at MeE as though he has jus finished raping the girl,thrown acid on her face,cut her hair and chopped off her fingers and put em in lil jars.
Thats all cool...dont talk to her whole damn day.Bought one more quarter in the night.Even more chilled.Woke up today morning...went to college.
Sat with the only other girl in college...and then we start talking.As usual around the female species I cease to exist and MeE takes over...
MeE : "You know what...happy people irritate me.Everybody is so genuinely happy these days.Aren't there any nice depressed people who i can actually connect with?And the only people who are unhappy is only u and me..."
response.....
GIRL#2: START CRYING LIKE A BABY
MeE : @###@$#@@@#!!%^
I just dont get it.... i swear...I just dont...
MeE
JB signin off...
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
...
DISCLAIMER: honourable readers and well wishers it's to be noted that the last entry is a sequel of the entry "11th july"....
... bear in mind...
gud luk!!
mE 'n mA lonE souL
... bear in mind...
gud luk!!
mE 'n mA lonE souL
Time and Again..
The blue striped white concrete structure, boasts of its development and glory as I walk past it day by day wondering at the aspects of the happenings of the entire day.
It’s not fun but it’s these man made creations that encloses the lecture halls concerning my engineering career.
Walking lonely around the campus has become yet another routine of this lone soul.
The Nescafe parlor has lost it’s glory and the ill fated peer group never seems to mature out of the little difference’s that exist as a part of this roller coaster life. Even the most intimate homosexuals quarrel along some times in life..
We are normal Homo sapiens after all..
The ruptured nerves of the brain, no more allows it to think normally. Straying from the normal mood, out of the blue thoughts and much more.. is quite normal
The capillaries were busy intoxicated with this enigma that the sudden rush of blood almost led to a total collapse.
I was made clear that whatever be the condition, their would be no help, no attention, no inquiry of my state before the prescribed date, in simple words I would be attended by my guardian for any possible problems only after a month at any cost.
By know it was crystal clear that the soul had to manage all the living accompanied by all the mental atrocities by its own.
A month deadline..
..no hearing before that at any possible cost..
All these seems a pretty awkward and awful when spoken about outside, as these things are the hardest to imagine even in the worst of circumstances. All kudos to philosophy that it made me imagine even these moments long before they were expected to occur.
For the first time in these years I could justify my comments on my loneliness. I could justify my thoughts, my feelings..
..it’s not all philosophy..
‘the misfortune’ .. ’the atrocities’ .. ’the hardships’ .. all these words had meaning, it wasn’t all just a fairytale..
Even my last hope, the clutches of a handicap, the last pill, has left me at my own peril. The person I thought to be the eventual support in these times has left me due to some unknown misunderstanding.
Do I deserve this treatment?
Till date only ogre’s were felt to be avoided and meant to be discarded from the normal living society, and they were ill treated in all times. Wonder if I’m a creature even worse than those thought to be existed once?
Wonder what makes me so un acceptable among people?
Wonder if I’m wrong every time everywhere?
It’s these bare truths of my life that has never allowed me even a jiffy of eternal peace and joy in this world.
The worldly happiness just scroll through my door steps arbitrarily, probably virtually as if making fun of my lonely, unforgiving life.
Even the best of the deeds have failed to bring any vital change in the condition of the soul.
Wonder if the world expects still something more from me?
Wonder if there’s anything left within me for this world?
Wonder..
The critics have always accused me of being too close with my peer members rather than my intimate members. I never thought in to this, as all my acts were, according to me within the limits of friendship.
Unfortunately I’m forced to wonder today..
Does true friendship really exists?
It’s the day I wonder whether there exist a person being fit for the most divine but artificial relationship of ‘friendship’.
Wonder is there any real meaning of friendship?
Wondering at these aspects it’s feels even more pathetic to keep existing in this world. Unfortunately, unfortunately life goes on..
On this note I hope I wish I pray for an angels revelation to bring about a change, a renaissance in my life. I hope for a better tomorrow, a better next day, a brighter future..
..I trust you lord..
Signing off
mE ‘n mA LonE souL
It’s not fun but it’s these man made creations that encloses the lecture halls concerning my engineering career.
Walking lonely around the campus has become yet another routine of this lone soul.
The Nescafe parlor has lost it’s glory and the ill fated peer group never seems to mature out of the little difference’s that exist as a part of this roller coaster life. Even the most intimate homosexuals quarrel along some times in life..
We are normal Homo sapiens after all..
The ruptured nerves of the brain, no more allows it to think normally. Straying from the normal mood, out of the blue thoughts and much more.. is quite normal
The capillaries were busy intoxicated with this enigma that the sudden rush of blood almost led to a total collapse.
I was made clear that whatever be the condition, their would be no help, no attention, no inquiry of my state before the prescribed date, in simple words I would be attended by my guardian for any possible problems only after a month at any cost.
By know it was crystal clear that the soul had to manage all the living accompanied by all the mental atrocities by its own.
A month deadline..
..no hearing before that at any possible cost..
All these seems a pretty awkward and awful when spoken about outside, as these things are the hardest to imagine even in the worst of circumstances. All kudos to philosophy that it made me imagine even these moments long before they were expected to occur.
For the first time in these years I could justify my comments on my loneliness. I could justify my thoughts, my feelings..
..it’s not all philosophy..
‘the misfortune’ .. ’the atrocities’ .. ’the hardships’ .. all these words had meaning, it wasn’t all just a fairytale..
Even my last hope, the clutches of a handicap, the last pill, has left me at my own peril. The person I thought to be the eventual support in these times has left me due to some unknown misunderstanding.
Do I deserve this treatment?
Till date only ogre’s were felt to be avoided and meant to be discarded from the normal living society, and they were ill treated in all times. Wonder if I’m a creature even worse than those thought to be existed once?
Wonder what makes me so un acceptable among people?
Wonder if I’m wrong every time everywhere?
It’s these bare truths of my life that has never allowed me even a jiffy of eternal peace and joy in this world.
The worldly happiness just scroll through my door steps arbitrarily, probably virtually as if making fun of my lonely, unforgiving life.
Even the best of the deeds have failed to bring any vital change in the condition of the soul.
Wonder if the world expects still something more from me?
Wonder if there’s anything left within me for this world?
Wonder..
The critics have always accused me of being too close with my peer members rather than my intimate members. I never thought in to this, as all my acts were, according to me within the limits of friendship.
Unfortunately I’m forced to wonder today..
Does true friendship really exists?
It’s the day I wonder whether there exist a person being fit for the most divine but artificial relationship of ‘friendship’.
Wonder is there any real meaning of friendship?
Wondering at these aspects it’s feels even more pathetic to keep existing in this world. Unfortunately, unfortunately life goes on..
On this note I hope I wish I pray for an angels revelation to bring about a change, a renaissance in my life. I hope for a better tomorrow, a better next day, a brighter future..
..I trust you lord..
Signing off
mE ‘n mA LonE souL
11th July...
..sitting in this dark room, working on the power generated by the battery backup, I wonder how life has once again come to a standstill, my life hasn’t yet evolve from the depression and sorrow.. time and again the depression falls over and once again I’m forced to look back at the condition of the soul..
..browsing through the pages of my diary I came across an entry dated 2nd July 2006.. I couldn’t control my emotions as I felt helpless and pathetic..
..scrolling the pointer over the extreme right of the windows taskbar the small pop-up reads.. July 11 2007..
Again I’m seated in the same room, the same old torn bed with the mosquito net hanging over head, the sight itself speaking of its poverty, the only thing different is the technological notebook replacing the ever faithful papyrus and ink. I stare at my injured fingers as my eyes strain at the dim light of this technological output, wondering whether I deserve this pattern of living life or it’s only my imagination that takes me so far in the world of philosophy.
I wonder..
During the course of this whole year there has been a significant change on the condition of my physical health, I never recovered after marginally surviving a severe sun stroke. I feel extremely weak and pathetic every second I breath, every cell of the body cries foul of pain, weakness and stress.
This is the only change visible as I wonder at the changes during the entire year, seated here 25 km from the main city at a remote village here in the north eastern state of India.
“ zindagi ne zindagi bhar gham diye..”(song from the Bollywood blockbuster ’The Train’) rings into my ears from the background as I continue hitting in to this techno output with the watery eyes longing for joy and happiness. The tear glands seem to be used to the frequent supply of fluid to the eyes, as it burns no more even after long hours of mourning. I fear the extinction of my tears as the nutrition doesn’t seem good enough to completely satisfy the working of the normal biological cycles inside my clay model.
With the physical condition almost barring the very actual existence of the soul, the effluents of hardship and torture show no signs of relief and continue flow in defying all the laws of Bernoulli’s.
I never even imagined that life might be so unforgiving and relentless, being brought up in an environment with all the luxuries and facilities of life.
I realize that being in an environment of sentimental peace, emotional fulfillment and mental harmony is the only true luxury of life.
All the wealth and money seems a waste when my heart starts pumping faster than normal as I recall, review my state of life. The bleeding arteries have no respite in spite of the pockets being enriched in the essence of the local currency.
One might feel that I shall look forward in life leaving behind the dreadful past but unfortunately there is a blank space in front my eyes to stare into.
..time and again the present condition of the soul forces my little imagination to ponder over my state of life.. blunting the bleeding arteries and flooding the eyes with the tears of blood..
I fear to lose my emotions one day.. I fear to be parted with my feelings some day.. I fear that hours of depression have an adverse and permanent effect on the psychology of my miniature thinking factory.
I fear the day when my friend drags me along to put me behind the bars of the mentally challenged cell.
Whatever be the condition..
..eventually I have one last appeal, one last hope, one last favor to be asked, remember me, keep me posted, so that one day I might recover..
Signing off,
mE ‘n mA LonE souL
..browsing through the pages of my diary I came across an entry dated 2nd July 2006.. I couldn’t control my emotions as I felt helpless and pathetic..
..scrolling the pointer over the extreme right of the windows taskbar the small pop-up reads.. July 11 2007..
Again I’m seated in the same room, the same old torn bed with the mosquito net hanging over head, the sight itself speaking of its poverty, the only thing different is the technological notebook replacing the ever faithful papyrus and ink. I stare at my injured fingers as my eyes strain at the dim light of this technological output, wondering whether I deserve this pattern of living life or it’s only my imagination that takes me so far in the world of philosophy.
I wonder..
During the course of this whole year there has been a significant change on the condition of my physical health, I never recovered after marginally surviving a severe sun stroke. I feel extremely weak and pathetic every second I breath, every cell of the body cries foul of pain, weakness and stress.
This is the only change visible as I wonder at the changes during the entire year, seated here 25 km from the main city at a remote village here in the north eastern state of India.
“ zindagi ne zindagi bhar gham diye..”(song from the Bollywood blockbuster ’The Train’) rings into my ears from the background as I continue hitting in to this techno output with the watery eyes longing for joy and happiness. The tear glands seem to be used to the frequent supply of fluid to the eyes, as it burns no more even after long hours of mourning. I fear the extinction of my tears as the nutrition doesn’t seem good enough to completely satisfy the working of the normal biological cycles inside my clay model.
With the physical condition almost barring the very actual existence of the soul, the effluents of hardship and torture show no signs of relief and continue flow in defying all the laws of Bernoulli’s.
I never even imagined that life might be so unforgiving and relentless, being brought up in an environment with all the luxuries and facilities of life.
I realize that being in an environment of sentimental peace, emotional fulfillment and mental harmony is the only true luxury of life.
All the wealth and money seems a waste when my heart starts pumping faster than normal as I recall, review my state of life. The bleeding arteries have no respite in spite of the pockets being enriched in the essence of the local currency.
One might feel that I shall look forward in life leaving behind the dreadful past but unfortunately there is a blank space in front my eyes to stare into.
..time and again the present condition of the soul forces my little imagination to ponder over my state of life.. blunting the bleeding arteries and flooding the eyes with the tears of blood..
I fear to lose my emotions one day.. I fear to be parted with my feelings some day.. I fear that hours of depression have an adverse and permanent effect on the psychology of my miniature thinking factory.
I fear the day when my friend drags me along to put me behind the bars of the mentally challenged cell.
Whatever be the condition..
..eventually I have one last appeal, one last hope, one last favor to be asked, remember me, keep me posted, so that one day I might recover..
Signing off,
mE ‘n mA LonE souL
Life at IU
17th July 2006
16:35 (local time)
..through the lush green fields, 13 miles from the main city, the red burnt bricks laid on the path leading into the entrance of the 3 storey, flower domed monument… my eyes scrolled through the piece of paper in my hand …. New Boys Hostel, IU….
The Chief warden ringed a warm welcome as I stood in front him for the allotment of my room, I was numbered 405, my IQ calculated, I was the 1215th accused entering the premises, with three thrown into each cell(room)…
The first month went by in light of the autumn leaves, it flew with the dry plant protrudes in a nowhere land. I sat hours in memories of my lost birth land, my colleagues, my family, my ‘friends’..
..sleepless nights and the broken heart cried the distance from life long pals, café’s, billiard points, not to forget my lovely lane, my lovely locality, my favorite lamp post..
..missing the cigarette points, the coaching classes, the snack point, the personal teenage scuffles, the pledges to keep the spirit of friendship alive, the wait for one(who would always be late…), the conclusion of the day, the beginning of a new morning, the hello’s the good bye’s..
Fellows(MEe) advised me to cope with the situation keeping in mind the fact that “some things in life can never be helped, even if causes all the pain and suffering..”
..walking on the path of building up a new life, a new beginning , a new climax, a new web of my complex life, I started a life..
The main reason behind me avoiding the interaction with fellow room mates, “I really hate the cheap, fucking Indian mentality..”. I hated it then, I hate it know.. I didn’t even thought them to be humans, wonder when did I develop this ego..? Or Does this place deserve this treatment..?
Wonder…
..wondering at these aspects I gradually begun at the path of my life..
.. In no time we friends began a life at this place, we(9 of us..), facing the atrocities inflicted upon the so called “seniors”, and coping with the tough engineering course..
My peer group was pretty ambitious, forceful, adventurous, and only within two months pledged to be together for the entire period of the course(4 years). It grew quiet steadily at an alarmingly large pace. Philosophers believe “great beginnings have glimmer endings”….
I never wanted to think upon this matter but again “some things in life can never be helped…..”
It was mid September , the winters had just begun and we were off to a trip to the historic Indian city of ‘Rampur’ famous for its weapons and armory during the ancient times and known as the land of ‘Azam Khan ‘ the modern active political leader of the area.
All this had nothing to do a great deal with our trip, we just had plans for a visit to the home of one of our fellow mates .
It was a tiring journey of more than 6 hours through the plains of northern India, my first journey on the train without my family. The train arrived at the station late by 3 hours as I waited blatantly with my new peer group. It was all normal until we met a group of females planned to traverse the same distance as us.
We belonged to the same college, so introduction had no meaning. After a long wait the tracks rattled beneath at the arrival of the train and we boarded a pretty busy compartment. It was a joyous time as we traversed along singing, chatting and having loads of fun.. It felt like college life had begun..
The journey was quiet successful and enjoyable but had a last long effect on the mind of the fellas. Two of them immediately fell in love with the females we went along.
Night long phone chats, frequent visit to the malls and theaters and lovely college evenings.. They felt as if they have attained their heaven. By god’s sake they never knew that it would a short and bitter ending., but I always predicted their fate… I was mocked
..time had come that the lovers returned to me with a broken heart and lost memories..
This fellow changed entirely after this incident, he broke down to an extent that he completely lost the feelings and trust on any individual. He feared to be deceived once again..
A little chat with me.. I said “ buddy have faith..”
Its that day and this that we have come so close that probably our existence depend upon each other. The latter might not have the same feelings but I do. Only after this was I able to express my true feelings living in India. I got an excuse to live on at this place after all the difficulties and hardships. I got an angels revelation that life is not easy all the times, it has its own ups ad downs..
..It made me wonder how a soul could be living after all these agony without smoke or elixir..
All this and many more let me continue, here at the IU.
The days passed along happily with every new morning having a different flavor to enlighten the growing roots of the relationship. The life at the campus improved at the right pace with we having gatherings at the in situ food point or the quiet popular NescafeÓ parlor.
New relationships were being developed and fresh colleagues entered our peer group, providing further enthusiasm and joy. Their arrival pretty much helped the sex ratio in our group which was much one sided until then.
Days went by with certain of them going down our own personal history records, like the 13 September birthday bash or the memories of the ragging time that had been stopped.
..we now awaited the much anticipated ‘fresher’s party’ at our hostel..
18th February
12:00 am
I slipped the sharp knife past the chocolate creamed 5 storey cake as I celebrated my 18th birthday on the stage of the fresher’s carnival. It was quiet a pleasure amidst a decent crowd to celebrate on the centre stage. This was probably one of the best times in my short stand at the IU hostel.
One of them came on the eve of 14th February while celebrating the birthday of a fellow friend. I succeeded in providing him the best of surprise through his gift.. I rejoiced as he rendered the beautiful moment.
For the first time my heart told me that I had done a favor to someone.
The moments were filled with gay as we danced the whole night..
The days passed along happily and probably swiftly. Witnessing the successful conclusion of Campus Fiesta - 07 we replenished the moments we spent together and hoped that one day the pages of history would be turned for the moments to be lived again.
All this but I never felt secure at this place. Small bitter quarrels with the fellows came to be the shadow of my life at the hostel, except for the fellow who inspired me to live on until things be your way..
I really never relished the fun to the depth of my heart.. I always missed my birth land..
..for the all the happiness lived only a short moment for me..
I lived every moment with a hope to reunite with my birth land..
I remember the moment I sat helpless at room 403 crying at my fate, I felt helpless and pathetic with this portal being my only support, I sat down weeping at my study table penning down the voice of my heart…
I remember the Sundays that seemed to be the paths of hell..
..all the joy happiness never lived longed for me, I felt cheated and left alone even in the group of 11..
..probably eleven would have been unlucky for me, but I never knew…
My life at this place was a continuous struggle between my thoughts and my works as I never attained the peace of mind.
Looking back at the pages of history, I wonder why didn’t I ever enjoy the moments of joy to its full?
.. An old query popped up,
Am I psychopathic?
Leaving behind the matters of my life I thought to live on at this place for the sake of a friend, until..
There came a night that a few drunken seniors entered our room. There was an old rivalry on. They abused my friend badly and bruised him as we watched helplessly…
This really was an end to the thoughts of being together when no one came forward in the rescue of a fellow colleague being bruised in spite of we being in so many numbers.
The pledge of being together no longer held the truth, the trust had been lifted upon, the spirit of oneness no longer lived.. There was no point to live know as feelings of bitterness had developed among selves..
25th April 2007
..the day when I and him decided to leave the hostel..
..we left the hostel and the peer group at their own peril and headed on for a different new life in the city. I really never liked the place but it mattered for my friend as he had different plans for beautiful and fruitful hostel life.
Once again.. “some things in life can never be helped..”
The life took a dramatic change with different routine probably giving better times to both of us..
..and I hope that live on in a better way to revive the ways of life and live on in the hope to reunite the smoked souls and be happy ever again…
Signing off..
mE ‘n mA lonE soUl
16:35 (local time)
..through the lush green fields, 13 miles from the main city, the red burnt bricks laid on the path leading into the entrance of the 3 storey, flower domed monument… my eyes scrolled through the piece of paper in my hand …. New Boys Hostel, IU….
The Chief warden ringed a warm welcome as I stood in front him for the allotment of my room, I was numbered 405, my IQ calculated, I was the 1215th accused entering the premises, with three thrown into each cell(room)…
The first month went by in light of the autumn leaves, it flew with the dry plant protrudes in a nowhere land. I sat hours in memories of my lost birth land, my colleagues, my family, my ‘friends’..
..sleepless nights and the broken heart cried the distance from life long pals, café’s, billiard points, not to forget my lovely lane, my lovely locality, my favorite lamp post..
..missing the cigarette points, the coaching classes, the snack point, the personal teenage scuffles, the pledges to keep the spirit of friendship alive, the wait for one(who would always be late…), the conclusion of the day, the beginning of a new morning, the hello’s the good bye’s..
Fellows(MEe) advised me to cope with the situation keeping in mind the fact that “some things in life can never be helped, even if causes all the pain and suffering..”
..walking on the path of building up a new life, a new beginning , a new climax, a new web of my complex life, I started a life..
The main reason behind me avoiding the interaction with fellow room mates, “I really hate the cheap, fucking Indian mentality..”. I hated it then, I hate it know.. I didn’t even thought them to be humans, wonder when did I develop this ego..? Or Does this place deserve this treatment..?
Wonder…
..wondering at these aspects I gradually begun at the path of my life..
.. In no time we friends began a life at this place, we(9 of us..), facing the atrocities inflicted upon the so called “seniors”, and coping with the tough engineering course..
My peer group was pretty ambitious, forceful, adventurous, and only within two months pledged to be together for the entire period of the course(4 years). It grew quiet steadily at an alarmingly large pace. Philosophers believe “great beginnings have glimmer endings”….
I never wanted to think upon this matter but again “some things in life can never be helped…..”
It was mid September , the winters had just begun and we were off to a trip to the historic Indian city of ‘Rampur’ famous for its weapons and armory during the ancient times and known as the land of ‘Azam Khan ‘ the modern active political leader of the area.
All this had nothing to do a great deal with our trip, we just had plans for a visit to the home of one of our fellow mates .
It was a tiring journey of more than 6 hours through the plains of northern India, my first journey on the train without my family. The train arrived at the station late by 3 hours as I waited blatantly with my new peer group. It was all normal until we met a group of females planned to traverse the same distance as us.
We belonged to the same college, so introduction had no meaning. After a long wait the tracks rattled beneath at the arrival of the train and we boarded a pretty busy compartment. It was a joyous time as we traversed along singing, chatting and having loads of fun.. It felt like college life had begun..
The journey was quiet successful and enjoyable but had a last long effect on the mind of the fellas. Two of them immediately fell in love with the females we went along.
Night long phone chats, frequent visit to the malls and theaters and lovely college evenings.. They felt as if they have attained their heaven. By god’s sake they never knew that it would a short and bitter ending., but I always predicted their fate… I was mocked
..time had come that the lovers returned to me with a broken heart and lost memories..
This fellow changed entirely after this incident, he broke down to an extent that he completely lost the feelings and trust on any individual. He feared to be deceived once again..
A little chat with me.. I said “ buddy have faith..”
Its that day and this that we have come so close that probably our existence depend upon each other. The latter might not have the same feelings but I do. Only after this was I able to express my true feelings living in India. I got an excuse to live on at this place after all the difficulties and hardships. I got an angels revelation that life is not easy all the times, it has its own ups ad downs..
..It made me wonder how a soul could be living after all these agony without smoke or elixir..
All this and many more let me continue, here at the IU.
The days passed along happily with every new morning having a different flavor to enlighten the growing roots of the relationship. The life at the campus improved at the right pace with we having gatherings at the in situ food point or the quiet popular NescafeÓ parlor.
New relationships were being developed and fresh colleagues entered our peer group, providing further enthusiasm and joy. Their arrival pretty much helped the sex ratio in our group which was much one sided until then.
Days went by with certain of them going down our own personal history records, like the 13 September birthday bash or the memories of the ragging time that had been stopped.
..we now awaited the much anticipated ‘fresher’s party’ at our hostel..
18th February
12:00 am
I slipped the sharp knife past the chocolate creamed 5 storey cake as I celebrated my 18th birthday on the stage of the fresher’s carnival. It was quiet a pleasure amidst a decent crowd to celebrate on the centre stage. This was probably one of the best times in my short stand at the IU hostel.
One of them came on the eve of 14th February while celebrating the birthday of a fellow friend. I succeeded in providing him the best of surprise through his gift.. I rejoiced as he rendered the beautiful moment.
For the first time my heart told me that I had done a favor to someone.
The moments were filled with gay as we danced the whole night..
The days passed along happily and probably swiftly. Witnessing the successful conclusion of Campus Fiesta - 07 we replenished the moments we spent together and hoped that one day the pages of history would be turned for the moments to be lived again.
All this but I never felt secure at this place. Small bitter quarrels with the fellows came to be the shadow of my life at the hostel, except for the fellow who inspired me to live on until things be your way..
I really never relished the fun to the depth of my heart.. I always missed my birth land..
..for the all the happiness lived only a short moment for me..
I lived every moment with a hope to reunite with my birth land..
I remember the moment I sat helpless at room 403 crying at my fate, I felt helpless and pathetic with this portal being my only support, I sat down weeping at my study table penning down the voice of my heart…
I remember the Sundays that seemed to be the paths of hell..
..all the joy happiness never lived longed for me, I felt cheated and left alone even in the group of 11..
..probably eleven would have been unlucky for me, but I never knew…
My life at this place was a continuous struggle between my thoughts and my works as I never attained the peace of mind.
Looking back at the pages of history, I wonder why didn’t I ever enjoy the moments of joy to its full?
.. An old query popped up,
Am I psychopathic?
Leaving behind the matters of my life I thought to live on at this place for the sake of a friend, until..
There came a night that a few drunken seniors entered our room. There was an old rivalry on. They abused my friend badly and bruised him as we watched helplessly…
This really was an end to the thoughts of being together when no one came forward in the rescue of a fellow colleague being bruised in spite of we being in so many numbers.
The pledge of being together no longer held the truth, the trust had been lifted upon, the spirit of oneness no longer lived.. There was no point to live know as feelings of bitterness had developed among selves..
25th April 2007
..the day when I and him decided to leave the hostel..
..we left the hostel and the peer group at their own peril and headed on for a different new life in the city. I really never liked the place but it mattered for my friend as he had different plans for beautiful and fruitful hostel life.
Once again.. “some things in life can never be helped..”
The life took a dramatic change with different routine probably giving better times to both of us..
..and I hope that live on in a better way to revive the ways of life and live on in the hope to reunite the smoked souls and be happy ever again…
Signing off..
mE ‘n mA lonE soUl
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