Aaahhh.. - Vol VI

A myriad of thoughts as I pen this down, a settling dawn as I dumb this down, a soothing breeze as I roll it down, a staring wall as I slow it down, a mirage on the horizon, a land in the ocean. I don't even know if this how it starts but then I do know that this is how it all started. 

The thoughts today are no different than yesterday, but then I'm really on a different tangent this very day. The slogs of the days have changed but the reminisce of various indulgences remain at large, some haunt, some smile, some cry while some just withdraw. 

The needs differ with every passing second but deep down the heart wrenches for a drop of love, an escapade to flow through the bliss of kisses, touches, clutches, presses, wishes, misses, caresses, cliches may be but pure oneness. 

The world would have been so different had there only been a little more love, just a little ! Think about it if just people loved people, like the clouds that embrace the skies, like the birds that sway and flies, like the flower that blossoms and lies, like the water that flows and then dries, like the eyes that glow and cries, like the heart that lives and dies. I don't know (I have never known) it's just love that never lives and never tries. 

I don't know but these are just words, but then that's what the world believes in. Looking on the internet today every is just talking, the most watched content on the Internet is people watching other people talking, is it making a difference, may be ? Is it supposed to make a difference, may be ? The politicians are talking, the leaders are talking, the coaches - mentors - preachers are talking, the entrepreneurs and influencers are talking,  the TV presenters (have always been) and the content creators are talking, the artist and the makers are talking, the friends and peers are talking, the relatives and co-workers are talking, the doctors and engineers are talking, the teachers and the children are talking. Is making a difference, may be ? Is somebody listening.. may be ? OR may be not ?

If only we could unfold the origami of these words, we realize that at the start of this journey there was a life, a little disturbed, a little perturbed, a little concerned, a little unlearned, a little unturned, a little unheard that just wanted to be heard.

I'm back again I guess ! didn't realize, it's almost the end of a year, another starting so no big deal, but then it never stopped for anyone, did it ? It not time that heals, it's the pain that don't feel, it's the wounds that don't peel, it's just life that continues as a reel. You realize that what you gather just becomes a memoir which you either repent or just re-live or just revive or best take a selfie which shows you in the front and everything behind.

Dil na umeed to nahi,

na kaam hi to hai

Lambi hai gham ki shaam,

magar shaam hi to hai

I don't even know if this how it starts but then I do know that this is how it all started.

.. @18:18

mE 'n mA LonE soUL

Missing Volumes - Vol V

I'm back from wherever I was, I don't know its very different from the last time that I was here. I do not have the understanding of time, there is been a lot missed in between these years. I just tried recording my stupid voice thinking that I could not write anymore, thinking that recording a monologue be the new way of being in my world, guess I was adopting technology (podcast yeah !) but then I'm old school .. I don't know, I just realized that how artificial it sounds.

I realized that it really does not have any emotions, I realized that it lacked depth, I realized it was not me .. I just realized that the lines above really do not have a certain sequence / grammar / prose for a paragraph composition but do I REALLY CARE !! .. guess i just found my self.

I realized that voice recording was not true, it is really difficult to comprehend truth to be honest, but then what is truth ? Isn't it just a perspective ? An argument that I put forward , any opinion that I write, any thought which I express, it is the reader who is judging the truth but then what guarantees that the judge (in this case you) has no bias ? In retrospect the articles I read, the voices I hear the visuals I see, I judge the truth in them, what is the assurance that I'm not biased ?

cōnscientia (genitive cōnscientiae) (fem.)

A word that has been long lost, a word that was actually meant to be true, a word that cannot be supported by facts, a word that cannot be braced by voices, a word that cannot be sustained by actions, a word that cannot be backed by words, a word that remains hidden till the end of words.

Ek Soch Aqal Se Phisal Gai

Mujhy Yaad Thi Kay Badal Gai

Meri Soch Thi Kay Wo Khawab Tha

Meri Zindgi Ka Hisab Tha

Meri Justajo Kay Baraks Thi

Meri Mushkilo Ka Wo Aks Thi

Mujhy Yad Ho To Wo Soch Thi

Jo Na Ya Ho To Wo Guman Tha

The constant fight with self-hypocrisy remains at large, the battle with the impressions continue as I keep hitting the keyboard fulfilling broken promises, this space is my reprise, it is an echo chamber that hears me, it is a sound that never betrays it's a while that always stays .. I was humming a classic after seeing my little lad opening his eyes into a world which no one has ever known, hours travelled in multiples and the little child was now a little boy in my new world.

This is not really not easy but then, I remember talking to the love of my life how I missed the little joys while I ran the corporate race, not realizing that I was running without a point. Corporates are a different dimension, an enticing labyrinth, an encircling compass, aeonian war where you intend to survive like a million others.

propositum n (genitive propositī)

It's where I'm today, a "Family man" as my little angel entered my world two years ago I couldn't believe what had just happened ! There is no joy that could have replaced this, there is no toy that could have played this, there is no troy that could have weighed this, there is ploy that could fade this, my little angel, I really love you .. and my boy I love you too.

I really don't know where this is going but then it was not meant to be, it is the cause that matters, its the purpose that bothers, it is the solution that caters. I have always been here, have always been there, have always been around, have always been beside but the agony never ends, the allegation never amends.

I know I will be back here, there is a lot that is unsaid..

Nya paane ki chahat mei purana chuth jaata hai

Tujhe apnaun to mujhse zamana ruth jaata hai

Mohabbat parhne likhne mei bhut asaan hai lekin

Mohabbat ko nibhane mei pasina chuth jaata hai

@18:40

Signing off ..

mE 'n mA LonE soUL