Burning Desire

I was walking in the jungle with a book in my hand. I stepped upon a cover to guess the owner of the land. I walked a little further and guess what I see..

19:45 hrs.. The awful tune (of my mobile phone) struck off just as I was about to see. I couldn’t even guess what awaited me there. I wonder if I would have stood to the breezes in Hawaii or be dancing around in the festival at Rio or lurking around the some Vegas strip club. I would even have sky scraping at Burj Khalifa or skiing down the hills of Shimla. I would even be hanging around at De Bambolena or Al Majrah (sheesha cafes located in the United Arab Emirates) or chatting around a little bonfire with a bunch of friends or rather breathing a fresh air with a friend over a cup of tea.

For the past 120 hours, I have been wondering where exactly am I?

In the wee hours of ultimate February morning I realized how much I have been missing my family. I really long to see all of them. I wiped a tear down to realize again that it’s obligatory to have a void in order to survive in this world.
Life is a race to fill in the voids, empty spaces or rather what natural humans call desires. I wonder if I die the day I have filled all the vacuums or I leave them in complete. Only time will tell how a peaceful death exactly feels. Wonder if anyone has ever experienced?

Through this twenty one years, I have went through people describing pain, exploring love, reading minds, unraveling codes, imagining stuffs like life of a hair, plight of a chair, what does the water think, life through the eyes of a wall, life at a glance, life if I were a proton, what if I could rule everything for a day, emotions of a flower petal, life seen by an old tree.. there is no end to the imaginations.
Justifying the above fact let’s experience the last breath of a dying soul. The ultimate CO2 + O2 combination that goes inside. Let’s experience the last trickle of air that goes inside before the eyes close. The molecules of air battle through to enter the respiratory tract before the last call of the lungs die out. I was lucky to catch upon with one such molecule.

Quoting from the interview: “it’s real exciting to be into everyone, some are real good and some worth forgetting. Lately I have been carrying a sweet fragrance every time I walk out of some nasals. I wonder it’s these species that you call females. Life is a real fun, but the only thing that bares me when I entered a track last night.

It was pitch dark all around, the place seem to have been deserted for decades, even the skulls of the dinosaurs seem to have vanished. I touched upon the ground only to feel an abnormal rise in temperature. Suddenly the darkness starts to melt, the scene gets uglier as the evils of pain, grief agony, disrespect spear upon the blatant field an after an hour of continuous wage a drop of blood rises on the ground..”

The molecule quickly rushed outside only to find some people weeping and crying, and another lying on the ground with its eyes closed.
I wiped a tear for the one who left. I wonder if I was happy for him being freed from the chaos of the world or sad for not being chosen for the same. I wonder if I was missing him as he was important to me or the only person who regarded me was him. I wonder if I was crying for the dead or relieving my own pain.

The molecule observed as I went through my emotions, and suddenly interrupted. He expressed to be human as they can cry over their own will. He expected to be human as they could rejoice over their own will. He continued..

“We do not control our emotions. I cannot laugh but I certainly cry. I live but I certainly don’t die.”
As the clouds above me get heavier, the particles oh H2O combine along with us molecules to make us cry. I weep along the rivers; bleed along the oceans only hope that all this tortures and turbulences shall get me a bright sunshine. A moment of truth and a moment to smile.

But as soon as the rays hit upon us, the H2O breaks apart leaving me upon my original condition. I do enjoy flowing through the hills, hitting upon the rocks, seeping the canaries and canals but just as everything begins to be happy the sun shines bright, blazing away the hopes, burning away the desires..

Walking past the lane I could witness the footsteps leading to my door step, I had just achieved which no journalist would have ever thought off. I covered a session with a molecule, I wonder if any of you could ever believe.

..I was walking in the jungle with a book in my hand. I stepped upon a cover to guess the owner of the land. I walked a little further and guess what I see..

13:15 hrs.. (yawn..) Ohh I haven’t been up since last night.. Ahh..
I wonder what I was through, all these times. I wonder where I have been. I wonder when did I sleep. I wonder how did I get up. I wonder if everything was just so nice. I wonder if I have been dreaming in my dream. I wonder whether I am technically right and grammatically wrong (or vice – versa). I wonder if I have been dis regarding a friend all this time. I wonder if I am hurting someone every moment. I wonder who am I??

I hope it was all a dream, only to realize LAST NIGHT that I am a molecule with a Burning Desire!!

signing off,
mE 'n mA lonE soUL

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Measure of Life

A glass of liquor is either half full, or half empty. A Toss of a coin either gets a head or a tail. A day either begins with a night or ends in a night. A race is either just begun or yet not finished. A life comes from dead or dies at the end.
It only depends upon the kind of attitude that any one possess or rather relies more on one’s own perspective. It doesn't really matter whether the view be optimistic or pessimistic, rather the thoughts may just hint the kind of personality a person carries.

Over the years it’s been quite clear that every perspective has built optimism or a dying pessimism. But after a complete introspection of an insomniac 14 hours 2 minutes and 13 seconds, i hit upon a great contrast.
Q: Is our lives completely professional or partially emotional??

Does the above query depend upon a person’s attitude? Is the glass still half full or half empty? What is the exact thought to be carried off? Who determines the measuring scale? Who determines whether the job is half done or just begun? Do all the philosophies fail to explain this little extract?
Both views either being completely professional or partially emotional may be taken to be as negative and positive, but these negatives ain't charges that may repel or attract each other, these are simple pieces of matter which do not relate to each other.

I didn't choose my parents. I never short listed who my siblings would be. I never created an uncle or an aunt. I don't confirm my life partner. I never say that "Mr. X." would definitely be my child. I don't meet every one on my own choice. The hearts don't get close with permission. I don't have a choice of friends.
All these things are destined for every human being; it has been decided and confirmed for every living soul. Given a choice for everything, things would have been a disaster.

When all these stuffs has been destined for me, how to i ever imagine to get rid of them. When emotions were already inculcated into every man & woman, then why aren't we supposed to value them?? I was never told that the following people would be your friends, rather its destined that who you meet in life. You are destined to have all those million emotions for a selected lot, and then what's wrong to say that life's partially emotional??

Again, every action, move, step, instance, moment lived by is definitely for one's own prosperity. Every little breath only helps one's own life. All the activities carried out by all individuals eventually is for your own self. Life is entirely selfish or rather professional. Each regarded friend in the end is valued to satisfy your own petty personal needs. There is no friend born in this world who can even do the very little for one's professional career.
Give it a thought,
Even your parents can't determine how well do you excel in your career. They might lent you a great position after your degree but it solely rests on you to carry the position along.
I mean there is no mechanism in this world which helps you for your own cause. Every action performed, eventually is to help your won purpose.
Give it a thought again,
I used my dad’s nourishment in my child hood, his support at my adolescents, his finance when I was an Adult, I used my friends advice for my decisions, his help in all my projects, his shoulders to carry some of my burdens..
.. I eventually become the most successful person in this world, but what do I return to them??

Isn't life all professional with every thing being used as a source you make your own self successful?

Are successful men emotional? Do emotions really matter after you have been relentlessly using and abusing all your factors until you succeeded in life? Don't you make a mock of all the feelings when you think about them only when you have become a successful professional?

Think again..
Do I ever succeed in life if my emotions are the first priority in my life. Why do I always lose in both of the ways?

There is one thing that has always remained, standing at one end of the measuring scale of my life, I had lost yesterday, I lost today both professionally and emotionally..
.. I fear thy future... because,

You never know what you have until you lose it, and once you lose it, you can never get it back...
be it professional or emotional...
..I fear to measure life..

mE 'n mA lonE souL

Jobs

15:50 hrs
12th February

The forty privileged flashed the red – bed notice board on being short listed for interviews at a leading software firm. There were only two khans of the selected lot, the rest being to the other caste. I thought to remind,
...My name is Khan and ..I’m not a terrorist.

Actually this is the lamest of the excuse that I figure out to disguise my personal failure. It wasn’t a test of knowledge neither skill, because both of them certainly has no reverence with my career or rather my life. It was simply a test of arrogance. It was a test of ego. It was a test of patience, personality and perspective.

I don’t regret to fail a test of brains. I recollect saying that I’m an engineer by certificate, by paper, by record, by a name plate, by vocabs, by tyranny, by fate, by destiny but unfortunately not by potential.
I lack the least of Logitech (logic + technology) reasoning. I do regret to have failed in my actual mission. I do regret to have deceived my family for all the trust they have shown and in the end failing to even differentiate between a voltage and a current.

I feel really ashamed to be back at this portal. I have this feeling for the first time in the entire four years. I confirmed upon my login details at this blog, when suddenly the status bar grinned while the menu bar pitied my condition.
I was pulled down to earth on the very concept that I boasted to have it me by potential.
The power to capture people by words, to gather praises through verbs, to heal every pain with an adverb came down to a mere curb.

I regret the very fact to have my head high merely for being familiar with a few extra word meanings.
Isn’t it shameful to boast around your literature in front of few who might have been deprived of their vocabulary for reasons out of their own control? There might be many responsible of the failure ranging form the country, atmosphere & environment. All these natural factors have no human control.

What difference does it make whether I say an exotic evening or an enjoyable evening, a horrendous task or a simply a difficult problem. Does using any of un common word meanings elevate me above my position. What do I actually prove in front of my people.

Apart from gathering some praises, do these words make any differences in the lives of the people, be it not difference, after being in touch with writing continuously for the past four years. I fail a simple test of some un common or rather in different words and meanings.

Do I still have the right to be at this portal and continue my boring thesis of life ?
Does this literature matter any more after all the truths being laid down to earth?

The amount of regrets mounts up as the giant clock completes 360 degrees of its rotation.
I don’t repent to have not qualified the test. I do follow a simple rule, not to have thought backs on things that have already passed through your life.

I regret to have let down people regarded with me. I regret to have let down all the expectations. I regret to have snatched a little smile on some faces, which would have quelled up at the moment of my success.
I lost a chance to do the extremely little for a faithful soul.

I don’t apologies today, because the five letter diplomatic word never rolls back tears. It does not return life, it certainly does not revert a foul experience neither does it change the prevalent circumstances. The word stands alone with its pure diplomacy.

.. my name is not khan..
..and I am nothing..

(huh! not even a terrorist)

Signing off..
mE ‘n mA lonE SouL