Time and Again..

The blue striped white concrete structure, boasts of its development and glory as I walk past it day by day wondering at the aspects of the happenings of the entire day.
It’s not fun but it’s these man made creations that encloses the lecture halls concerning my engineering career.
Walking lonely around the campus has become yet another routine of this lone soul.
The Nescafe parlor has lost it’s glory and the ill fated peer group never seems to mature out of the little difference’s that exist as a part of this roller coaster life. Even the most intimate homosexuals quarrel along some times in life..
We are normal Homo sapiens after all..

The ruptured nerves of the brain, no more allows it to think normally. Straying from the normal mood, out of the blue thoughts and much more.. is quite normal

The capillaries were busy intoxicated with this enigma that the sudden rush of blood almost led to a total collapse.
I was made clear that whatever be the condition, their would be no help, no attention, no inquiry of my state before the prescribed date, in simple words I would be attended by my guardian for any possible problems only after a month at any cost.
By know it was crystal clear that the soul had to manage all the living accompanied by all the mental atrocities by its own.
A month deadline..
..no hearing before that at any possible cost..

All these seems a pretty awkward and awful when spoken about outside, as these things are the hardest to imagine even in the worst of circumstances. All kudos to philosophy that it made me imagine even these moments long before they were expected to occur.
For the first time in these years I could justify my comments on my loneliness. I could justify my thoughts, my feelings..
..it’s not all philosophy..

‘the misfortune’ .. ’the atrocities’ .. ’the hardships’ .. all these words had meaning, it wasn’t all just a fairytale..

Even my last hope, the clutches of a handicap, the last pill, has left me at my own peril. The person I thought to be the eventual support in these times has left me due to some unknown misunderstanding.

Do I deserve this treatment?

Till date only ogre’s were felt to be avoided and meant to be discarded from the normal living society, and they were ill treated in all times. Wonder if I’m a creature even worse than those thought to be existed once?

Wonder what makes me so un acceptable among people?
Wonder if I’m wrong every time everywhere?

It’s these bare truths of my life that has never allowed me even a jiffy of eternal peace and joy in this world.
The worldly happiness just scroll through my door steps arbitrarily, probably virtually as if making fun of my lonely, unforgiving life.

Even the best of the deeds have failed to bring any vital change in the condition of the soul.
Wonder if the world expects still something more from me?
Wonder if there’s anything left within me for this world?
Wonder..

The critics have always accused me of being too close with my peer members rather than my intimate members. I never thought in to this, as all my acts were, according to me within the limits of friendship.
Unfortunately I’m forced to wonder today..
Does true friendship really exists?

It’s the day I wonder whether there exist a person being fit for the most divine but artificial relationship of ‘friendship’.
Wonder is there any real meaning of friendship?

Wondering at these aspects it’s feels even more pathetic to keep existing in this world. Unfortunately, unfortunately life goes on..

On this note I hope I wish I pray for an angels revelation to bring about a change, a renaissance in my life. I hope for a better tomorrow, a better next day, a brighter future..
..I trust you lord..

Signing off
mE ‘n mA LonE souL