Unchanging Realities

yo !

I’m back at the temple ringing the bells, it’s quite a resemblance they do that every morning and evening and I cry the same foul from dawn to dusk. Amidst some old fashioned Indian (rather bollywood) music, I lay stretched 6ft long wondering that whether any of this would help my prospects of future (I have changed yea ?? I have started thinking differently !!).
Changing tracks, let me look through my days routine, get up in the noon after a long torturous night have a smoke sit around have another cigarette, get some kind of a little refreshment from the nearest snack point, then have another smoke, keep lying on the bed, by the time it’s some thing like six or half past five by now, then switch on to some sad Indian melodies have another one or two rounds of smoke and then it’s time that the digestive system no longer accepts any more smoke signaling for something nutritious. A few faithful hop around at my place by that time to prepare dinner, there’s little time to brag around with them until they bid a sweet adieu for another long unending night and a rather extending day light.

hmph... watt a dayy !!

There seems to be a weird air around, something extremely boring, something really numb. I have really lost the lust of my life. I mean there’s nothing that seems to please me, I get stuck at things for no reason, I have lost the thing to enjoy certain moment, I really feel alienated (dunno some even called me by the name alien).
There seems to be nothing that’s working out right, I mean what do I actually expect from myself, my life, my peers, I dunno ??
I mean why do I rather expect something from some one else in the first place ?? I mean is it something that’s naturally in every being or is it that I have developed something extra-ordinary (proving to be an alien ?? dunno ).
I mean am I some kind a real messiah or something that I do all the good things for every one and get nothing in returns ?? I guess the obvious answer remains nay, then why am I like this ?? I mean is there something that’s really gone wrong inside me that needs some kind of a treatment.

Things apart…

I remember my English teacher in school she was like empty vessels make more noise, I guess it’s certainly not noise but definitely creates a vacuum for all the craps to grow up. (I thought it requires a moist environment for the fungus to prosper I guess the brain cells secrete some kind of a substance when being lonely creating some kind of a virtual marsh land.)
Voila !! Certainly this may be the reason that an individual cries alone !! (Always).
Talking to people over the phone, they keep repeating the same old chants. “wa happened ?? Why do you think negative ?? Be happy every thing will be alright …”

Be happy… for what ??

Happy for deceiving the family, happy for being a total loser, happy for being cornered by every one for every simple reason, happy for being hated the most among friends, happy for being one with all the problems, happy for being alone …??

Be happy… for what ??

Well I can be happy for being gifted by god all the facilities, luxuries, all of those things of which (in the present scenario) a millions in this world are deprived off. I thank my Lord from the depth of my heart for all that (I mean not as a consolation),
But is that all ?? (Forgive me O’ Lord for anything wrong).

Coming to the point…
Deep inside if every one remains true to one self, none of the above mentioned reasons can be lied. I remember saying that to a friend, I guess there is everything that remains, good or bad, in some arteries of the heart, the happenings keep pumping again and again. There may be some who certainly don’t realize it, but it remains.
I mean all that has taken place between any two or three or more, it might me forgotten for the moment or overnight but eventually or rather practically there is nothing that fades out forever not even after death. If it would have been, there wouldn’t have existed what we know as memories.


Anyway the matters seem to grow worse day by day, as I say that I wished I had another cigarette to end this painful journey, at least for the moment. I hope there is some kind of an angel revelation to help me recover out of this state. I hope I don’t die a painful Smokey death.
But for the moment, I remember a famous quote “A friend in need is a friend Indeed”… I certainly need a friend at least for the moment, a friend…

….
mE ‘n mA lonE SouL