The Last Breath...

Digestion failure, low blood count, feeling of guilty and total body pain...
holding the 10g ink shedder in my hand feels heavy..
looking at myself i feel ashamed of the skinny hands, the dirty ill-fated(30'') hips and the scars on the face due to the relentless scavengers, flies, bugs and many unwanted creatures, an unwelcome guests of the night at this place.

What a wonderful routine life to follow? Amazing it is to live on this way... but life goes on...

It was 09:30 in the morning, the Sunday seemed to be the largest ever in the centuries gone by.. almost 43 degree Celsius of heat the weather never permitted to even peek out of the balcony, but the urge for a puff, the urge for life dragged the soul out for a walk.
500m down the lane seemed like the never ending dunes of the Sahara Desert.

The day never seemed good, the heart never allowed it to be...
the feeling of uneasiness took cover, history repeated itself this Sunday.. the soul felt disregarded...
i felt cheated, i felt disgusted, i felt victim...

For all the time i had been spending, devoting for a friend the least of the favours asked went unanswered..
I was taunted of for my poverty...
clamping my heart , i said old is gold...
but "unfortunate" is now my routine life, this never happened.. no one bothered even glancing through at the state of this disillusioned clay piece...
I wonder whether the vessel of friendship has only an Inlet valve..?

An unanswered query went by...
Do I know my limits of friendship?

All this came only hours after i was denied a visit to my "town"...
Excellent... even the burnt over ash of the soul was not left to rest in peace..

One query....
Will my life ever evolve over all this for a new beginning or remain as an unsolved mystery like the physics of Universe...

Even the networks of galaxies seem solved compared to the mesh of my life....

Wonder why everything seems so unsolved?
Wonder why do I have all the problems in life?
Wonder why does the heart feel guilty after the greatest of deeds?

The eight inches stick no longer permits the flow of ink but my heart still promises to go on until the last breath...

Philosophers had said that "great beginnings in life have glimmer endings", my chapter of life seems to have come to its final stages..
just a few more years till the breath lasts, but the path for life is over...
life in means of emotions, feelings, care, trust, faith and all that except the normal biological cycle...

One last thing before the final hours...
let me clear one accusation against me...
The world says " Its all that your mind feels this way.. things aren't that bad"

but let me tell you all family, friends, colleagues, well-wishers and enemies....

"Ye meri wafa ka sila hai to koi baat nahi..

Ye dard tumse mila hai to koi baat nahi..

yehi bahut hai ki tum dekh rahe ho kinare se...

main doob rahan hoon to koi baat nahin..

..koi baat nahin...."

Good luck for life and have fun... friends,family..

signing off
Me 'n mA LoNE souL